Haptephobia
by Oliv-san
Summary: Seto Kaiba is still tormented by his demons of the past. There is, and always was only one person capable of soothing him, but it is getting harder, when Seto gets to know the meaning of 'love too much'. /yeah, I know you don't like incest, but try this story. Really.
1. Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

**Only one important thing to know - in this story Mokuba is fifteen and Seto is twenty. **

**Tabloidshipping; includes incest. **

**Favs, follows, (constructive) reviews? I would just love all of them! **

**I do not own anything except the plot.**

* * *

_"It doesn't matter what I want_

_It doesn't matter what I need_

_It doesn't matter if I cry_

_No matter if bleed_

_You've been on a road_

_Don't know where it goes_

_Or where it leads"_

* * *

It passed two months since the young CEO of Kaiba Corporation visited his parents' grave the last time. Recently he didn't have much time for anything, even for coming there. Issues of KaibaCorp, dueling and, the most important spot on the list, his little brother occupied his whole time. Sometimes Seto felt tired with his life and he desired some rest. So where could he find it, if not in the only place he could feel closeness of his beloved parents? He missed them so much, now even more than anytime before. He also needed them as he hadn't before, more than when he had gone through the hell in the orhpanage and later in the Gozaburo's house. The blue-eyes used to believe he can handle everything alone. Being self-sufficient was one of the most important values in his opinion. Since his parents death, all he wanted was only to keep Mokuba safe, protect him from every possible danger. And he had done it, even if it meant suffering. But now he felt this task overwhelmed him. It was the hardest, when the older Kaiba had to protect his brother from himself. It sounded irrationaly, but at that moment there wasn't any danger, but Seto with his love. He got to know the meaning of 'love too much'.

_"Nii-sama?" _

_Seto glanced up. His brother was standing in the doorway, looking at the brunet with surprised look in his eyes. "Why aren't you sleeping?" Mokuba asked, stepping in. _

_"I could ask you the same" the blue-eyes stopped his typing, putting his laptop aside. There was lots of paperwork around him, but he threw them away to make enough space for Mokuba to sit down beside him. "Nightmares?" Seto questioned, patting spot next to him. _

_Mokuba shook his head. "I just woke up. I was going to the kitchen for something to drink, but then I saw light in your room" he came to his brother and sat down on the bed, pulling his knees to his chin. "It's over 3 a.m., Nii-sama... Why are you still working?" Mokuba tunred his head a little. In this position he saw bruises under Seto's eyes. It wasn't because of angle of incidence the light. His Nii-sama had to be really tired out. Overworked. The raven-haired shifted, so now he sat behind his brother. Placing both his hands on Seto's shoulders, he started massaging them. The other found it very pleasant. After all day of working, feeling ache in his back and shoulders, it really comforted him. The older closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He just loved his brother's touch. He stayed silence, focusing only on relax. All of a sudden, Seto felt Mokuba drawing closer to him. The teen pressed his mouth into the elder Kaiba's cheek and kissed it gently several times. "You like it?" the raven-haired said quietly, running his arm down Seto's chest._

_'Oh God, Mokuba... Like?' the older thought to himself. 'You are not aware how much I love it...', but only soft purr escaped from the older Kaiba's mouth. _

_"As I thought" Mokuba smiled, making a way from kisses down his brother's jaw. _

Seto knew by heart the way to his parents' grave, but this time he chose the longer one. It was so peaceful - walking amongst graves, in the early morning, when sun was still hidding behind the horizon. Only this one memory tormented him. What puzzles Kaiba was when he had made a mistake. He had no idea, when he let the younger get so close to him. There was always closeness between them, but recently it was different.

_Seto turned to face Mokuba. The younger's hands were still on his shoulder and chest, caressing them softly. "Nii-sama..." he whispered, when Seto leaned his forehead against the other's. But there was no response. Seto was just looking into Mokuba's eyes. He loved this stormy eyes and didn't have any doubt - love was this, what was staring at him from them. The older noticed, that Mokuba slightly parted his mouth. The older bite his bottom lip a little nervously. _

_"I love you, Nii-sama" the teen muttered, when Seto gently pulled him away. _

_"I'm tired" Seto said simply. "You also should go to your bed" after this words, Seto realized 'your' sounded too severely than he wanted it to was. _

_Mokuba nodded, but he wouldn't have been himself without one further question. "Could you kiss me goodnight?" _

_Seto meant just one slight kiss, but when he gave it to Mokuba, the teen wrapped his arms around his brother's neck and pressed his lips to the other's, wanting more. It was something Seto was so afraid of. He knew he just couldn't let it happen. The blue-eyes forced himself to move away from Mokuba. _

_"Goodnight" he said, not looking at his youger brother. _

"Why the fuck I want this so much?" unexpectedly the older Kaiba said it aloud. He looked round, but there wasn't anyone else. Seto came here so early purposely. He didn't want to be among people, even strangers.

One moment later, he was standing in front of his parents' marble grave. It made him espace from the bothersome thoughts about his brother. "Hello mom, dad" he whispered. Seto put a bunch of white roses, his mother's favourite flowers, on the grave. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for a long time, but I've missed you so much, you know? I still do..." the brunet was talking quietly, as he believed he is heard by his parents. He really hoped so.

The blue-eyes lighted old candles and picked up the boquet when they were here last time. Now it was withered, so he put it near to the grave, meaning to throw it away later. Those things were brought there by both Kaibas, when they had gone to their parents last time. Then, Seto sat down on the wooden bech in front of the grave. He was still holding little, red candle in his hands. Kaiba's fingers was running up and down the candle. This insignificiant activity helped him collect his thoughts.

"I'm sure you both watch me... us, me and Mokuba, from the heaven. Or wherever you are..." Seto looked at a small figure of crucified Jesus Christ between his partents' names. It made him smile to himself bitterly. He used to be so religious because of his parents, especially the mother. She used to take at first him, later also Mokuba to the church near to their house very often. She read them the Bible and talked stories about God, Christ, Virgin Mary and others saints. She was really good at it. But when they died, he stopped to believe. After their death and going to the orphanage, he hadn't gone to a church anymore. If there was the merciful, loving God, why the fuck the world was eaten by so much evil? Why there was so much injusitce? Why did innocent people had to be hurt? Why had their parents had to die, leaving them alone and this senseless God replaced them by those damned people, who had given them so much suffering? Was this the justice, the mercy? He still celebrated christian festivals, but he did it only for Mokuba. His brother loved them, probably because they reminded him of time he and Seto spent with their parents.

"I've never talked to you in such a seriously way. I've never had any chance to talk to you about mature issues. I had to became adult so fast and I hoped, I made me entirely self-sufficient. But now? I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Damn, I'm on the horns of a dilemma and I just don't know what to do..."

Seto swallowed hard. He hated to talk about his feelings and emotions. But he needed a confess and he couldn't imagine better situation to do it. The young CEO really hoped it could help him easy his mind.

"I wish you were here. I wish I were still a child. Everything seemed to be so easy... When I did something wrong, you both never yell at me. You sat down with me on that soft, black couch in our living room and we just talked. I remember that you, mom, often brought me a cup of hot chocolate. I really loved it, you know? It was the taste of my childhood."

The brunet closed his eyes for a moment. He felt gentle touch of the wind at his face. He smiled to himself as it would have come from his parents. Wisps of his dark hair fell down and covered his eyes, but Seto didn't sweep them away.

"Now it seems so unreal... Unbelievable" Seto started to speak once again, his voice was even more quietly. "Every time I did something wrong in Gozaburo's home, I used to be punished. When Mokuba did something wrong, too. I couldn't imagine to let this whoreson hurt my beloved brother. But it taught me never show the weakness, to be strong even in the hardest situation, because I should derive force from them. I found it hard to talk about my fear or frailty even to Mokuba. I couldn't talk to anyone as I'm doing it at the moment with you, I suppose" _If I can call this monologue 'talking' _he thought to himself.

"And I did something wrong. I still do. I'm not sure if 'wrong' is a suitable word. Maybe... 'inexcusable'? Or 'awful'... I'm sure if you were here, you wouldn't accept that. But then it probably never would happen. Maybe it's because I don't have anyone, but him... Tell me, is it important in what way I care about him, protect him? Isn't the outcome the most important thing?" _I really hope so..._

All of a sudden, he felt vibes in his trousers' pocket. He reached it only for reject a call. _As he would know I__'m talking about him right now._

"I tried so hard to replace you. And probably it worked for years..." Seto remembered almost every while he spent with his little brother. He remembered sleeping together, singing lullabies, reading, hugging, helping at school, being punished only for save Mokuba. Most of his life was such a painful time, but there were also good moments, moments concerning his brother. And the second ones made him strong, cause all his life was only for that cute raven-haired boy.

_For a long time we slept in one bed. I bathed him, so I saw him naked lots of times. But I never saw anything sexual in it, damn, he was just a kid. He's been raising. His body changes. He isn't a child any longer, still very young, but not a child. My brother became male, even if his beauty is a little feminine. It made me look at him in diffrent way. 'This' way. And I'm afraid... He looks at me in the same way. Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised... He used to admire me, adore, do whatever I wanted him to do. I'm his beloved Nii-sama, always ready to do everything only to keep him safe. But I feel as I used him... Abused him. This thought makes me hate myself, because there's no as bad thing as abusing. What the hell did I do, that he had to feel the same what I do? I could handle it, if it was only about myself. My life isn't easy, so next difficulty wouldn't make a difference. But now many things had to change. I only hope it's transitional infatuation, typical for teens like him. Hormones deceive him. He thinks he has feelings for me, because for all his life he had only me. _

"I failed" he said aloud, too much loud than he meant. "I let him be too close to me. I let him be too close and what now? Now I need to keep him on distance... I avoid him. I go to Kaiba Corporation when he is still asleep, I come back when he goes to bed. Obviously our relationship just can't work this way, but at the moment I've got no another idea..." _Am I totally mad? Fuck, I've come to my parents' grave and I__'m__ talk__ing__ about falling in love with my younger brother! Cause of love, I've become so pathetic... Fucking idea. Fucking me. Fucking all this shit. _

"I don't know, why I'm talking about this. I shouldn't... Recently I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry." _It's my problem... I've come here to ease my mind, but I still think about that. Now stop. One moment with thinking __just about __nothing... _

Seto closed his eyes. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. _So peaceful... _Kaiba pulled one of his legs up, nearly to his chin and wrapped his arms around it. He didn't remember, when was the last time he had time only for himself, just for some rest. He woke up and already problems came to his mind. After all day at work, he felt asleep tired as hell. Seto needed moment like that so much...

Next minutes passed as Seto didn't make any movement. All of a sudden he realized one thing. He wanted to have Mokuba by his side right now. He wanted it so badly. The blue-eyes imagined his brother's arms wrapping around his waist, his soft cheek nuzzling to Seto's shoulder. _Fuck... _

"I remember the day, when I swore to myself I would protect him forever... It was the day of your death. Coming back from school, I picked up Mokuba from his nursery school. We went home and I worm up some food for us. Even after many years, I remember almost every detail from that day... It was casserole. Mokuba loved your casseroles, mom, espiecially chicken like that one. He still does, but I've never found one as tasty as yours. You were such a good cook..." Seto smiled to himself, looking at the grave. But it was sad kind of smile. It reminded him of things he really missed. The blue-eyes swallowed hard, then he kept talking. With every following word, it was more and more easier to talk. "I had a homework for the next day, so we sat in the living room. I was studying and Mokuba, sitting beside me on the sofa, was watching television. You used to go shopping after work, so I didn't care you were late. But it was later and later and when it was getting dark, I started to feel a bit nervous... I called you both, but nobody answered. Mokuba asked me where you were. He was sad, because you, dad, promised him you would play with him after your coming back. At that time, you had a lot of work and a little free time, so he really waited for it... But it never happened" Seto bite his lower lip and close his eyes even harder. It was painful recollection. He never told anyone this story. The blue-eyes only played back that day in his mind hundreds of times. He didn't want to forget even minor trifle. For some reasons. One of them was obvious - Mokuba was too young to remember it as well as Seto, so the older wanted to tell him about it one day.

Kaiba swallowed hard. It was difficult, but he didn't imagine not end the story. The confession. Catharsis. "I had a lot of terrible nights later. At the orphanage, Gozaburo's house, even later, especially connected with issues of Kaiba Corporation. But I could pass through them all once again, only to avoid _that_ night... Of course it's impossible. Withouth that night, those things would never happened..." Once again Seto stopped his speech. _Those things_ didn't mean only painful experience his step-father gave him. It was also about his feelings to Mokuba. If their lives were normal, this relationship would be normal too. Sometimes he dreamed how his life would have look like, if his mom and dad were still alive.

"I just wanted to say, that I couldn't sleep. I was standing in front of the window in the kitchen, looking at the street. Waiting for your car, which never came. My heart was beating as it had never before, as it was suppose to jump out from my chest... I cried a lot that night. I didn't know what to do... Looking for sensible reason of your absence, I tried to calm myself, but it was impossible. I just felt something bad happened. The only good thing was that Mokuba slept well all night. It was the last night he slept well... Much time had to pass until he slept without waking up at night and crying in my shoulder" Seto's voice shook a little. He felt sadness in his heart. His words sounded full of reproach. But they weren't. The brunet never blamed his parents for leave him and Mokuba, it would be just stupid.

"In the morning police knocked at the front door. I opened, Mokuba was standing behind me. When he heard you were dead... I think he didn't understood that situation at all. I couldn't hide the thruth, so I told him you were gone forever. I've never seen anyone crying so hard as he cried that time... He looked like he was at his wits' end. After hours without any word from you, I prepared myself, I was expecting bad news. I think I was ready to hear it as much as somebody can be ready for parents' death... Even if I wasn't aware of it that time, now I'm sure. And I was ready to take care of Mokuba too. I was hugging him, kissing his hair, but I couldn't help much. That time... Iswore in my heart to protect my little brother, take your place in raising him. I wanted to give him a new home, good education, make him never worrying about money. And I did it... It doesn't matter I had to suffer and be punished, even if Mokuba was the one who did something wrong. It was the only way... And if it could save him, it was worth suffering. You know? Best part of every day is when I come home. I've never told Mokuba I just love when he runs downstairs with his 'hello, Nii-sama, I've missed you' and hugs me for greeting. Sometimes when I have really hard day at work, feeling tired, I think about him and it gives me force. It lets me go through rest of a day only to see his smile after returning home" _But it's over. Now I must avoid him for his own good._

He was silent for a moment. His confession gave him relief. He was talking about things which bothered him for long time. He never had friends but Mokuba, he never had anyone to confide in. Seto used to be alone with his problems and he didn't suppose speaking about them aloud could give relief. Even single teardrops falling down his cheeks weren't important.

"I love him... Don't hate me for that". _I've never was really happy. My few happy times concern __only __him__ and dueling. But duels w__ould be__ pointless if they weren't for make Mokuba glad and proud of me. Everything was always __only for__ him..__. _

Kaiba wiped his tears. He still hated to be weak. How could he protect Mokuba being weak? But he really liked this short moment he didn't have to pretend always-strong-and-powerful Seto Kaiba. But it was enough. Staying too long alone with his thoughts wasn't good for him. He was supposed to come back to his normal life. It was getting late and Seto still had to go to KaibaCorp, where another hard day was expecting him.

Seto knelt in front of the grave. He was looking at his parents' names, then he reached the candle. The blue-eyes lighted it and placed near to the bunch. _I love you._Kaiba stayed in this position for a moment. Someone could think he was praying, but Seto's next words meant for him far more than talking to God.

"I want to tell you one more thing... You can be calm. I will always protect Mokuba from every possible danger. I will always be by his side, not letting anyone, even me, hurt him. I will not let you nor him down... I swear" kneeling in this place, with quiet voice, staring at the light symbolizing his parents' memory, these words sounded even more seriously than everytime he used to say similar sentences in his mind.


	2. Enjoy the silence

**Author's Note:**

**I'm so sorry for my imperfect English - it's not my native language and I still learn, but I really try to get better and better.**

**Thanks for wonderful reviews! Feel free to give me more, I love so much to read opinions about my work. I would like to get to know what's good, what's bad, what I should improve.**

**I'm not sure I should mention it, but I placed in this chapter some autobiographic things from my past (it doesn't have anything in common with incest or love).**

* * *

_"Before I go to sleep tonight, won't you tell a story?_

_One that does not center around power and glory —_

_A simple tale of love that is tender and sweet_

_However glorified, still uncorrupted, with a steady hearbeat_

_Or better still of love that's also passionate and wild_

_That holds the light of youth and makes you playful like a child_

_And let me fall in love..."_

* * *

Every school day seemed to be the same for the raven-haired teen. While the others were playing, talking, laughing, he usually sat on the floor, leaning his back against a wall. He always pulled his knees to his chin, spending breaks with himself, alone with his thoughts. The stormy-eyes used to bring a few portable consonls to have a little entertainment, but it attracked his schoolmates' attention too much. Being the great Seto Kaiba's brother didn't mean Mokuba was popular. Not in a positive meaning. There were few classmates he sometimes talked to, but those relationship weren't any big deal and Mokuba spent most his time alone. Moreover the younger Kaiba had to be very distrustful. He was rich and some people wanted to exploit him. His Nii-sama frequently warned him againts that kind of false friends.

Mokuba found it very hard to become friends with anyone. He always was shy, sensitive and introverted child and his personality didn't change through the passing years. His appearance as well. Compared to his peers, the raven-haired Kaiba was really short. He was also skinny, his hair was really long - it reached over half of his back. It made him look femininely, especially with his delicate face lines, what was one of the reasons of being teased. Mokuba even thought about change his haircut and make it more masculine, but Seto didn't agree. The raven-haired was aware how much his Nii-sama liked his appearance, nevertheless he still wanted Seto to like it _more_. To be honest, he wanted his brother to look at him in _that_ way. Sometimes he was near to believe it really happened, but one moment later the blue-eyes could be cold-hearted enough to deprive the younger of his wishes.

_I still have one moment in my mind. We both, me and Nii-sama, were sitting on his huge bed. We were watching tv. To be pretty honest, television made just some noises from the background. There wasn't anything interesing, so we didn't pay any attention to that film. We were spending time together and it was the most important thing at that moment. It was such a wonderful evening, especially because that week Nii-sama had a lot of work at Kaiba Corporation, and spending the evening only with me was how he wanted to compensate me for his absence. He even bought me strawberries. Nii-sama knew how much I love their sweet taste. I'm happy I can eat as much as I want and I'm still skinny, so I ate them with the whipped cream. Nii-sama didn't eat. He usually eats not many, often he does it only when I force him to do it, grumbling that I'm worry about him. I like to take care of him, but I wish he resprected his health more. _

_Nii-sama didn't eat, but he fed me. He took a strawberry, then he squeezed the whipped cream on it. Eating that way made the taste of fruits even better. _

_One moment Nii-sama put aside a bowl with strawberries and the whipped cream, then he lay down. "Come here" he said with a smirk. I nodded and lied down beside him willingly. I placed my cheek on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his waist. _

_"My Nii-sama" I smiled, when I felt one of his hands on my head. He started to play with my hair, stroking them lazily. I would like that moment to last forever..._

_Nii-sama switched off tv, what was okay for me - I prefered silence. I enjoyed it. We lied in this position for a longer moment, until Nii-sama broke the silence with short question. "More?" he asked, but he didn't wait for my response. He grabbed another strawberry and lifted a little to cover it with the whipped cream. But when he tried to part my lips with the strawberry, most part of whipped cream smudged at the corner of my mouth. I wanted to lick it, but Nii-sama said quiet "wait". He bent down and nuzzled his lips to the place with whipped cream. He gave me some kisses, but when I started to return them, he froze. _

_"What's wrong?" I whisper, putting my hand on his cheek. His eyes didn't look as happy as moment before, there was confused stare in them. _

"Kaiba?" Mokuba froze, when all of a sudden he heard his last name near to his ear. He shifted, facing his teacher. "You don't listen to me once again."

The raven-haired couldn't deny. It was hard to him to foucs on his lessons. It was because he just couldn't stand the school, the teachers, the classmates. But he couldn't say it aloud, so he was just staring at his desk, feeling his cheeks got blush. Mokuba hated to be in the limelight and now he was aware everybody were looking at him. He decided to not say anything. The younger Kaiba just wanted to be alone with his thoughts about Seto once again.

"Could we get to know, what did you think about, rather than focus on studying?", but there was no response once again.

"About his brother!" Mokuba heard giggling from the corner of the class, then louder cackle came. _So fucking funny _the raven-haired thought. He knew his relationship with Seto was known as unhealthy. The younger Kaiba didn't have any friends, the only thing he always did was following his brother. Without Seto by his side, Mokuba was regarded as an introverted teen, unable to protect himself on his own. Unable to do anything, when he didn't have his brother's help. And maybe they were right. When he was with his Nii-sama, he didn't need anyone else. And he really liked to be protected by the blue-eyes.

"Behave properly or I'm going to call your brother."

When Seto became mentioned, Mokuba's classmated laughed again. Mokuba didn't answer, but after those words his teacher went away, so he even didn't have to. The stormy-eyes decided to only try to focus on the lesson. He didn't want to upset Seto. His older brother always told the younger, that he wanted him to have a normal childhood. The childhood Seto never had. After Gozaburo's death, they both started his schooling in public school, but the older Kaiba had to leave it after just few months. He had too much work, too much issues of Kaiba Corporation. Luckily his knowledge was enough to help his brother with his homeworks. Mokuba wasn't as talented as Seto. He had problems with learning, even with concentration. To be pretty honest - the raven-haired never tried to change it. Even if he didn't thought about Seto or another pleasant thing, he was just drawing, pretending he was taking notes in his exercise book. Mokuba was really good at drawing. To be pretty honest - he was good at many things, but not studying.

_"Who would you like to become in the futute?" Seto asked one day. It was just several weeks ago. The older Kaiba bought a few new cards and they were sitting in the living room, viewing them and matching to the others from his deck._

_Mokuba found that question a little unexpected, but he exactly knew what to say. He had thought about it before. "I wouldn't like to work... Not exactly" he said quielty. The teen was curious about his brother's answer, when he would tell everything about his idea. Mokuba smiled, when his brother narrowed his eyes. "I would like to take care of our home... And about you. You would still go to your office every morning, simultaneously I would clean, cook your favourite food, work in our garden..." _

_"So you want to be... a housewife? I haven't supposed you're such an unambitious kid." _

_"No!" Mokuba shook his head quickly. He never thought about himself as an unambitious person. The raven-haired just had other priority than most of people. Not high earnings or status. He had just one ambition - his Nii-sama and making him happy. "I just want you to be satisfied with your life... To have real home, where loving person would take care of you, not maids who are paid to do so." _

_The teen could read Seto's facial expression. The older didn't have to say anything, his pretty blue eyes did it instead of him. They gave Mokuba a surprised look, but Seto wasn't upset as the younger could expect. Maybe he was even... happy with his confess? Or just glad..._

Once again Mokuba's thoughts were interrupted, but that time it was because of the bell. It rang, making everybody go for a break. The younger Kaiba sighed deeply, standind up. He collected his stuffs and threw them to his schoolbag. Bell meant one less lesson before he would go home, but he liked to recollect his pleasant moments with his brother. That time Seto told him, he would't have to become his housewife - his presence was enough to give him real home. Then he hugged the younger. Mokuba loved Seto's touch. He always had, but since he looked as Seto as somebody more than just a brother, he loved it even more and took every possible advantage of feel it.

Holidays was coming; just a week to the end of the school year. As usually at that time, weather was beautiful. Sunny, warm - what more could anybody want? Mokuba took his bag and went at the playground. When it get hotter, he prefered spending his breaks open air. Of course he didn't have fun with the others. When his peers were playing football or basketball, he sat down on the grass in his favourite position, his back leaning against a tree. He closed his eyes and wanted to get deep into thought, but he was interrupted.

"Hey, Kaiba!" he heard a shout, then he felt something hitting his arm. The raven-haired looked at that thing and when he saw it, it made him cry out.

"Get the fuck out of me..." Mokuba said quietly, trying to stay calm, but his voice was shivering. The thing what hit him was a spider. Not a real one, but it was really big, hairy spider. Maybe it wasn't a big deal, but for someone with arachnophobia - it was really dreadful. The yonger Kaiba wrapped his arms around his knees and lowered his head, hidding it between his legs. Then he felt that awful thing on his head. Spider's leg tangled up in his long hair, but Mokuba was too frozen to take it away. He could only force himself to stop the tears which appeared in his eyes.

"You look so poor..." Mokuba recognized owner of that voice as Sayuki, one of damn classmates who teased him the most often. "Self-confident only with your brother by your side?"

The raven-haired didn't answer, he was just praying in his mind for end of this situation. There were more oppressors. He heard some voices, every one was laughing. They knew how to make him afraid very well. One time Mokuba had mentioned about his phobia about spiders, but he had never thought somebody could use it to torment him.

"Do you want me to take it away?"

The younger Kaiba felt pathetically with that, but he slowly nodded. He was so ashamed and scared.

"So beg."

Mokuba sniffed. His thought went to Seto and he felt even sadder. His Nii-sama never woul would let anyone treat him that way. He would kick their asses and comfort Mokuba as he always did. But at that moment there wasn't the older anywhere. The stormy-eyes was alone, he could count only for himself. Unluckily he never could take care of himself. "I'm begging..."

"Say it louder, little moron."

"I-I'm begging... Take it a-away... Please..." It was so hard to say, but eventually Mokuba did it. Then he realized the spider was taken away from his hair. But he still didn't move. The teen wanted to stand up and hurt every bastard who teased him. He wanted to see them in pain. He wanted to take revenge on them. But he was incapable. He could only wait, until he woud be alone again. When the laughing walked away, he wiped his tears. _If I can't oppose them, I should become accustomed to situations like these at leat. _Mokuba wanted to tell everything Seto. Only his brother could protect him, but he never talked to his Nii-sama about being mocked. The raven-haired was aware of Seto's distaste for weak people and Mokuba's behaviour was totally pathetically in the raven-haired's opinion. Besides the teen wanted his brother to look at him as more as a just younger brother, so he wanted to be mature. Crying because of a fake spider wasn't mature at all.

Mokuba didn't want to be at school any longer. He had still three lessons that day, but at that moment he didn't care. He just wanted to go home.

The younger Kaiba grabbed his bag. There wasn't so long way to his home. He could take a driver, but he prefered to walk. He liked walking, it was a good way to easy his mind. But now Mokuba did something more. "Answer, Nii-sama..." he was whispering over and over, but there was no response. Mokuba sighed deeply and hid his cell phone in his pants' pocket. He didn't want to complain. He wanted just hear his brother's voice for a while. There wasn't anything more comforting in the world. At first he even thought about going to the Kaiba Corporation, but he realized quickly it wasn't a good idea. He didn't want to interrupt his Nii-sama or bother him. Recently he didn't go to the buliding of Kaiba Corporation as often as he used to, so it would be suspicious. To be honest - Mokuba didn't do it, because Seto seemed to not like it. _Lately he behaves a little strange... But it's probably because of work, isn't it? He works too much and__ he__ is always tired. It__ m__ust be the reason. _

Thoughts about Seto totally replaced bad happening from school. Now Mokuba even smiled to himself. Seto's voice made him calm and comforted him, but what about his touch...? _Today I'll wait for Nii-sama until his return. Maybe we'll be able to spend some time together before he'll go to bed... _

Touch, especially the touch of his soft lips. Mokuba loved it, desired it. His Nii-sama was just perfect and sharing even a little part of this perfection was everything he dreamed about...

* * *

It was nearly midnight, when the young CEO stopped typing. His sapphire eyes glanced towards the screen in front of him once again, looking for any possible mistakes. There was no one, so he saved a document and closed his laptop.

Slight sigh escaped from his mouth. He was really tired. Working on a new project of Kaiba Corporation, he spent all day long without even short break. He was hungry as well, but at such a late hour Seto never ate. He stood up and grabbed his car keys. Recently the brunet prefered to drive on his own than take a limo.

While the blue-eyes was descending the levels of the buliding, he realized as much silence there was in the KaibaCorp at that time. Most probably there wasn't anyone but Seto, maybe just few cleaners. It was something untypical - usually presidents of big corporations wanted their employees to do majority of their job and they just received profits from the company. But Seto Kaiba was different. He didn't believe anyone could take care of his buisness instead of him. Of course he entrusted parts of work with his employees, but he always had to check the results. Moreover Seto came in the early morning to the office and often left it as the last one. Especially recently he spent almost all his time in the office. Everybody thought he did it, because of some new projects he planned. But it was the truth only in a minor part. Even if Seto really wanted to take care of every issues of Kaiba Corporation, hard work helped him to not brood over his personal problems.

The brunet got into his car. Black ferrari 458, a present from Mokuba for his last birthday. One day the older told his brother he would like to have that car and a few weeks later, at his birthday, he found one in his garage. Of course Mokuba didn't have his own money - as a matter of fact, not much enough to buy such an expensive car. Instead of this, he had acces to Seto's account and he bought it by the older's money, nonetheless Seto still loved the gift, one of the best he ever got, no matter whose money bought the car.

With music on, the blue-eyes started to drive. Quiet sound of Depeche Mode made him calm. As calm as the city was. Traffic was slender, just a few cars through all the way. He really enjoyed the silnce as Dave Gahan was singing from a loadspeaker.

_Words like violence  
__Break the silence  
__Come crashing in  
__Into my little world  
__Painful to me  
__Pierce right through me_

Seto sighed. Even if he didn't focus on the lyrics, he understood them very well. It was one of his favourite songs, after all. _Fucking true _he thought, bitting his bottom lip.

_All I ever wanted  
__All I ever needed  
__Is here in my arms_

_Okay, enough_ the blue-eyes switched over and first notes of _Policy of truth_ rang out. This song was definitely better, because it didn't bring too much bothering thoughts as the previous did. He couldn't stand, when even simple lyrics could make him think about his brother obsessively. _Why, when I was sure I'm so strong, I became so weak? Shouldn't love make people even stronger? It's so strange... Love is strange. _Everything Seto felt was so new for him. He had never had those feelings to anyone and, he was pretty sure, he couldn't have them to anyone other, only to Mokuba.

He came home faster than usual. The blue-eyes didn't expect anyone at home. Anyone awake, actually. The maids ended their work a few hours ago and Mokuba most probably fell asleep already. Seto opened front door quietly. His brother used to have faint sleep and the older Kaiba didn't want to wake him. But when the brunet stepped in, he heard some noises from the television. He narrowed his eyes. _What I always told him about staying up so late? _

Seto went to the living room with intention to scold Mokuba. But when the older Kaiba saw his younger brother, he gave up. Mokuba was lying on the couch with closed eyes, sleeping calmly. The only light in the room was that from the tv, but he still saw his brother's face clearly and that view moved Seto. He knelt beside his brother and started to stroke his raven hair, falling on that cute face. The older crossed his fingers down Mokuba's cheek. His skin was very soft... Touching it, looking at sweet expression of his brother's face, made Seto wanted to kiss Mokuba. He gently parted his lips by a digit, but then he kissed only his jaw. Resisting the temptation wasn't easy. _Keeping him on distance is too hard to destroy it just because I want to taste him so badly..._ _You even don't know how much you provoke me, just lying like that... It's time to go to bed, Mokuba. _

Seto wrapped his arms around the younger and lifted him carefully. He didn't exprect his brother was so lightweight. _And you tell me that I'm the one who should eat more, you skinny cad. _Slight smiled played along his lips. Cuddling gently the soft body in his arms, Kaiba went upstairs. He didn't turned up the lights. It was dark, but switching on could only wake his brother. Futhermore he knew the way by heart.

The blue-eyes gently put the sleeping form on the bed, then he started to undress the younger. That time he tried his best to behave only as a brother. Perspective of watching his love half-naked seemed really tempting, altought Seto knew it was just wrong. Wrong as all his non-brotherly love. He swallowed hard, then took off Mokuba's sneakers and slowly slid down his pants. Sleeping in T-shirt and boxers should be comfortable enough. Seto covered the younger by quilt, then he grabbed also a warm blanket. It didn't matter it was late June, Mokuba always was cold at night and he needed one extra blanket at least, to not wake up shivering.

_Now it should be enough... _the blue-eyes smiled to himself, when he covered Mokuba. _But... I miss a little the times, you came to my bed to get warm, because you were cold at night. Now you could say "and you dare to talk like that?". I'm the only one who made distance between us... It's just because I love you, you know? I love you too much... One day you'll understand. I love you and I would do everything for you, but you can't expect this one thing... _Kaiba didn't imagine utter those words aloud. He wasn't going to talk about his feelings openly. At first - he didn't want. But the second reason was the more important one. Seto just couldn't. He wasn't able to talk about that. He prefered to show it by his behave, even if he did it so clumsily.

For a long moment, he was just looking at his brother. Seto was watching his calm sleep, chest waving up and down leisurely. He started to stroke raven hair once again, then he lowered to kiss Mokuba's forehead gently. _Goodnight, Mokie_.

Seto stood up unwillingly. He didn't want to go away, but desire of laying beside his brother, staying with him at night was growing dangerously. There were too much imagining in his mind already. _His head on my chest, my arms wrapped around him... His gently kisses on my skin... Oh, shut the fuck up, Kaiba. You are disgusting. _

Seto had to stop, he knew it and he forced himself to do so. All of a suden, when the blue-eyes was heading the door, he heard a short, quietly whisper.

"Stay."


	3. Burning inside

**Big 'thank you' for so nice reviews! I love to get them so much.**

**I want to thank all my readers too.**

* * *

_"There's something in his eyes,_

_And I don't think it's fear_

_Why don't you tell me little boy,_

_Why are you so afraid...?_

_Come to me boy, I hold you now_

_You can really trust me_

_You will never cry again_

_'Cause you've got your faith"_

* * *

"Stay."

That short word made Seto frozen. He was sure Mokuba was sleeping. Damn, he could bet his brother didn't hear or feel anything the blue-eyes was doing since he had returned home. It was the only reason, why he let himself gave the younger so much tenderness. He turned around to face Mokuba, but he wasn't so loving any longer. "Sleep, Mokuba", he said icy.

"N-Nii-sama..." Mokuba had woken up, when his brother had been undressing him, but he had pretended he had been still asleep. The raven-haired had found Seto's touch just wonderful. Too wonderful to be real, so at first he had even thought over if it had been just so realistic dream. Lying with closed eyes, he had hoped maybe his Nii-sama wouldn't go anywhere for the rest of the night. He needed and wanted it so much, so when the blue-eyes was about to leave, Mokuba tried to make him stay with him. But that cold voice didn't meet his expectations. "Nii-sama, I don't want to sleep... I would prefer to spend some time with you..." the younger said with lots of cuteness, but a little confused.

"Don't be ridiculous" Seto said with his typical monotonous voice. "It's over half after midnight. I'm going to bed", it was the way he always spoke to people who annoyed him. The older Kaiba did it on purpose, he knew it was the only way to stop Mokuba from wanting his brother in his bed, even if Seto didn't feel good talking to the younger that way.

"B-but N-Nii-sama..." Mokuba whispered with tremble sound in his voice. The teen didn't understad, why his Nii-sama's behaviour changed so much. When he had thought Mokuba was asleep, he had been loving, caressing. Now Seto was so snippy, what grieved the other. "I was waiting for you for so long..."

"I will not reiterate. It's late, I'm tired as hell after working all day long and I don't have any time or willingness to stay with you, just because all of a sudden you have whim of spending time with me", after that Seto just headed the door once again, but this time Mokuba didn't even try to stop him. His brother's words were too painful to response or even move. The only one thing the younger Kaiba was capable of was only crying. Single teardrops appeared in the corners of his eyes, then they started to slowly fell down his cheeks. It wasn't the brother he wanted to have. It wasn't the man he wanted to be with... The raven-haired desired the old Seto. That one who caressed him, kissed him, who was affectionate. But he couldn't do anything to make his wishes come true, so he was just sobbing without any intention to stop. Every one of his teardrops was full of powerlessnes and piercing sadness he felt at that moment.

When Seto closed the door, he was about going to his bedroom, but he paused, when soft cry reached his ears. _So it's your fucking protection _the blue-eyes thought to himself, bitting his bottom lip. He really hated that Seto Kaiba, the heartless bastard, who already made his little brother cry. It wasn't a person, who deserved relationship with such a wonderful person as Mokuba. The only thing he deserved was kicking his stupid ass.

He wasn't in the mood of sleeping. To be pretty honest - he wasn't in the mood of anything. But lying on his bed, thinking about crying Mokuba and his suffering was no solution. The blue-eyes felt so bad with himself and probably nothing could help him, comfort him. There was only one person who could make him feel better, but his one and only was now sobbing because of Seto's stupidity. In this situation, he decided to work despite his tiredness. Issues of Kaiba Corporation seemed to be enough activity to stop thinking about Mokuba. Seto passed his bedroom and entered his home office. It wasn't used often, but he had there enough documents of Kaiba Corporation, if sometimes he prefered to work at home. It hadn't been happening for a long time.

Seto switched his laptop on, then he started to search for something to work at. There wasn't anything specific to do - overworking in KaibaCorp, he had done even more than it was required. The brunet sighed deeply, leaning his back against the back of the soft chair. Kaiba closed his eyes, his thoughts once again went to his younger brother. His love. His everything, everything he ever had. He felt like a shit with his fucking awful behaviour. Seto was full of doubts whether his 'protective' actions really worked.

He never felt really wanted.

Never in the right place.

But always full of sadness, even fear he tried to hide as much as he only could.

Seto dreamed about feeling happy, but sometimes he doubt if he deserved any happiness.

His little brother was the only light point in his whole life. And now Seto was loosing him, just because he didn't know what to do. Such a new feeling was killing him from inside. Sometimes he really wanted to disappear. _You weak bastard, stop to be so pathetic. _

All of a suden, the door became opened. Seto lifted his gaze, then he faced his younger brother. It was a little surprising. The older looked at the raven-haired, whose face was wet because of tears, his cheeks and eyes got red.

"You had to go to bed" Mokuba said slowly, his voice shivered. "You've told you're tired..."

Seto didn't response. He was just looking at the teen, didn't know exactly what his brother wanted from him, so he decided to stay quiet and just wait for the younger's point.

"Nii-sama, I had a horrible school day. All I wanted to do, was just hear your voice or see you. I don't even mention hugging you... You didn't answer, so I was waiting for your return for all day... Do you think I don't have any feelings?" the shiver in his voice raised. Seto noticed another teardrops in his eyes, but he couldn't do anything more than just still pretend cold son of a bitch, so he kept being silent.

For the raven-haired it seemed Seto just disregarded him. It made him feel even worse. He was trying his best, but he couldn't stop next teardrops falling down his face. "I'm not your damn toy, Nii-sama... You can't... You just can't be loving and one moment later just ignore me, treating so coldly... It fucking hurts, you know?" Mokuba was full of reproach. There wasn't anything worse for him than his beloved Nii-sama igrnoring him.

Seto wasn't going to respond. Not exactly. _Yeah, Mokie... Finish me off_ he thought to himself, when slight sigh left his mouth. "Go back to your bed", he said, trying to sound as icly as he could. It was the voice he kept only for people who really annoyed him. The blue-eyes found it really hard, especially with every inch of his body and soul hurting, when he saw Mokuba all in tears, so fucking sad an angry.

"It's... It's all...? All you have to say?" when he got only slow nod as response, Mokuba felt raising anger inside him. "You've become totally like him!", finally the younger shouted. It surprised even him.

Seto's eyes expanded with a shock. He didn't remember the last time, when his brother yelled. And he never yelled at him. Never. It was the first time and probably their first real fight. Mokuba always did what Seto wanted him to do. The raven-haired never protested, never was rude to his Nii-sama. His sudden outburst meant the older and his cold behaviour really pissed the teen off.

"W-what...?" Seto asked surprised. Because of the tone of Mokuba's voice, the blue-eyes didn't focus on the words. Despite early surprised look in his stormy eyes, the younger seemed to be so self-confident. He found himself really wanting to say those words. He wished made Seto upset, just for shake his stoic expression.

"You are like him!" the teen repeated, his voice raised even more, when he saw the other so annoyingly confused. "Like Gozaburo, you are totally like him... He treated people like you do, like they are nothing more but your fucking toys!"

It hurt. It hurt as hell. At first Seto froze, then he felt his body trembling. He stood up and went to a window. With closed eyes, the brunet lowered his head a little.

Nobody dared to call Seto that way, even when he was exceptionally unbearable for his employees. Everyone knew how much the blue-eyes hated the ex-president of Kaiba Corporation, altought the reason why he did it so much was Seto's secret. No one dared to yell at him too. The older Kaiba's position let him treat people as he wanted and there wasn't anyone to oppose. Sometimes he was too coarse than he should, but in spit of all he tried his best to be better than his haten step-father.

_You are like him... Like him... _

If anyone else told him those words, Seto would be about killing that cad. There was no worse insult for him and Mokuba had to be aware of that.

_You are totally like him._

Seto loved Mokuba the most in the world, but after those words the anger inside him raised dangerously. Only because the one shouting at him was his beloved little brother, he forced himself to get calm.

Sadness.

Anger.

Sorrow.

Pain.

All those feelings burned inside Seto's soul. But there was something else as well. His hurt pride. Even if it was Mokuba, no one could call him like that. "Do not raise your voice, when you are talking to me anymore, kid", he said slowly and distinctly.

But Mokuba wasn't about to leave. He felt more and more self-confident, what made him want to cry out all his rebuke. "Because I've told you the truth?" the raven-haired stepped in a little. "No" he said quietly, but it was well-heard because of silence in the room. "You need to understand you can't treat people however you want, because something is definietly wrong with you, Nii-sama", it was probably the first time, when the younger called his brother "Nii-sama" with characteristic respect.

"Go out, Mokuba" unexpectedly Seto told it louder than he meant. That icy, hateful voice made Mokuba a little scared. He started to think if he had really told too much. But it had been nothing less, nothing more, but what he thought and felt. Seto wasn't the only one hurt and all in pain. "You don't understand anything, you fool", calling his brother as a stupid one wasn't something which could help, but at that moment the older Kaiba felt really bad and in situation like that, he sometimes said not what he exactly wanted to. Even if Mokuba's words sounded severely, they were true. But the stormy-eyes didn't know Seto just had to be like that to keep Mokuba safe from himself. Or he just only thought so.

"I'm not a fool!" the younger shouted once again, ignoring his brother's warning. "I just want you to be as you used to... I want brother who cares about me... Who loves me. Not heartless sod, who only toys with me!"

"You are fool... Fool, spoiled brat" Seto whispered, forcing himself to keep his voice calm, but it was still shaking. He pressed his forehead against a cold pane. He wasn't easy to get out of control, but at that moment Mokuba did enough to pissed him off. "I sacrificed all my life for you, and now you dare to talk to me like that?" at the end of the sentence, the brunet was near to yell. "I went through the fucking hell just for keep you safe and give you everything you could ever need and it is how you repay me?" Seto turned around, then he headed the door. "I don't want to speak with you any longer" he said coldly, pressing the younger.

Kaiba went out, leaving shocked Mokuba behind. That conversation was over. The older believed he was the one supposed to be more responsible and reasonable, so he couldn't just let them continue that fight, which was getting more and more intense. They both could say something what would hurt the other even worse.

To be pretty honest, at the beggining of the argument the blue-eyes really wanted to say something painful for his brother. The older Kaiba got used to answer that way, when someone tried to hurt him. It was his natural defense - give back even more pain than he got. But it was Mokuba. Even if he wanted to, Seto just couldn't hurt him, it would be just unforgivable. He was upset, angry, first of all he was fucking sad because of his brother's reproach. But making the teen as painful as he was couldn't be any soultion. Everything he ever wanted was Mokuba's happiness, so he couldn't just let words said in anger make the younger suffer.

When Seto reached his bedroom, he locked the door. He wanted to believe Mokuba was smart enough to respect his brother's wish and would leave him alone, but at that moment the raven-haired seemed to be unpredictable. Seto hadn't seen him so furious before and he was sure it was only his fault. The blue-eyes lay down on his huge bed and hid his face into a pillow.

_Maybe he was right_, Seto thought to himself, moaning silently._ Maybe I've really become like Gozaburo... _

_When he adopted us, I got to know one thing - our step-father is a kind of person I never would like to be. He was the most heartless son of a bitch I've ever met. Cruel, always pissed off. He just loved to tease me. He changed my life into hell. And it's who I am...? Does he really think about me that way...? Maybe in his opinion I give him the same hell I got from Gozaburo..._

Seto sighed deeply. Life in Gozaburo's house had changed him a lot. It hade made him stronger, but simultaneously he had started to avoid people, never let him get too close to him. He had stopped to talk about his emotions, keeping all feelings deeply inside. He had built mental wall around himself to not let anyone hurt him once again.

_I am not like him... _Seto bit his bottom lip nearly to blood. He felt so empty inside, so worthless. _I am not... _he wanted to cry because of sadness and shout because of anger. But he did none of them. He was just lying on his bed, nuzzling soft pillow to his face. _I can't be..._

There were a lot of memories in his mind reminding of his step-father's inhumanity. Some of them were more painful, some of them less. But every of his recolletions with Gozaburo made a sore sign in his mind.

_"Show me, what you've done today."_

_I hear those words, that order, but I don't feel strong enough to lift. Lying on my bed, I'm just staring at the ceiling. Just lay and take some rest... It's everything I need at the moment. I don't remember the last time I could do anything else except for studying. _

_Every day seems to be the same. I wake up in the early morning, then I have a half hour to wash myself, get dressed and eat. After those activites I start to learn. Maths, economy, history, English, French, physics... Four years later I don't remember them all. Too many subjects and never enough time to learn everything to satisfy my step-father. It was the time I started to be overworked. In fact, it never ended and I've lost hope I could get real rest long time ago. _

_"You spoiled brat, don't you hear me?" he's stepping in. It's so funny... Treated like a worthless shit, could I be spoiled anymore? But I keep it to myself, not going to say anything in response. _

_My fucking step-father grabs my hair and lifts me by them. "Answer me, Seto", beside that action, he seems to be very calm, but I know he's full of anger. His eyes tell me that, when he forces me to face him. _

_I don't want to talk to him. I want him to go. To leave me alone. I've ended learning just five minutes ago, does he think I'm a robot? Damn machine, capable of work all day long? I turn my gaze to a window. He wants to see what I've done, but I'm pretty sure he knows it already. Today I don't feel well - I've got a fever, I suppose. My body is hot, I'm sweating and shivering. I tried so hard, but I just couldn't focus on my studies. Nonetheless I'm sure Gozaburo doesn't care. He hates when someone doesn't obey like a pet. _

_Here it is. He slaps me, leaving a painful trail on my cheek. "You know how I'm going to punish you for your disobedience", of course I know. He did it a lot of times in the past and I'm sure it's going to happen a lot of times in the future. This son of a bitch just enjoys seeing me in pain, begging him for stop. He grasps my chin. Now I must look at his abominable face, I can't move my head. But I try to look at him with all hate I've got in myself. "I am asking you once again. What have you learnt today?"_

_"Not much" I answer according to the truth. "I don't feel well. I'm getting sick", I add quietly. I don't expect him to take it into account. Gozaburo isn't a lenient kind of person. Everything has to be as he wants. If not... Well, I'm going to find it out once again in a moment. Of course this punishment is reserved only for me, to show me how ruthless he could be If I don't follow his orders. Huh, it's like making me study from early morning to late night everyday without any break wasn't ruthless enough. _

_"And you was supposed to do what?" he grabs my hair once again, now putting more power into it, what starts to give me some pain. _

_I can't stand that fucking teasing. "If you really have to punish me for not feeling well enough to study all day long, just do it and then leave me alone", my voice is full of loathe I feel to him. I'm aware I should't talk to him this way, but I don't care how painful that punishment is going to be. I've gone through the real hell because of him, what made me stronger. I'm not going to let him treat me like a fucking dog, who doesn't do anything, but follows orders. _

_Gozaburo is so hot-headed. My cussed response is enough to make him stop pretend so composed. He pushes me to a lying position, then kneels near to me. He presses his knee to my stomach, not letting me move. "You are going to apolog..."_

_"I'm not" I say simply, trying to sound calmly. _

_"Do not interrupt me!" he cries out, more and more pissed off. "If you don't do what you are supposed to, I'll punish your brother instead of you", he lowers and starts to whisper into my ear "I'm sure you wouldn't like share me with anybody, would you?"_

_It's enough. Too much. He promised me he would never touch Mokuba, only me, even if my little brother did something wrong. I always had to be the only one punished. I've got no idea whether his words are true, but if he wanted to piss me off, he already did it. I split at him, what unexpectedly gives me some relief. Finally it was expression of my disdain for him. _

_Gozaburo seemed to be shocked. Anyone never done it to him, I suppose. But I'm not going to be like the others. I'm not going to respect him just because he has money, letting him do everything he wants. I'm not going to be as he tries to train me._

_He grabs my hand and wipes my saliva by it. Mad expression on his face scares me a little, but I won't be sorry or anything. I've got my pride and it's what now looks at him from my eyes in bellicose way. _

_"Fucking son of a bitch...", suddenly he grasps my both wrists and places them behind my head, so I can't make any movement._

_My yell is muffled, when he puts one of his hands on my lips. I try to bite him and release, but then he squeeze my mouth by his three fingers. Now I'm not allowed to talk as well. _

_He undresses my. My hands are free for a moment, but I can't push him off of me. He's too strong and I don't have any force because of fever. I try to hit him, but with no effect. He takes my pants and boxers off, then he does the same with his own. Single teardrops appear in corners of my eyes, when I feel him inside me. _

_It's not the first time when punishes me this way. I've never supposed so fucking pain is even possible. All my body is just burning, I'm trembling spasmodically. I want to scream with his every thrust, but I'm just not allowed to. He forces me to stay quiet, so the only thing I can do is only wait for the end of this fucking horror. _

_I just hate this fucking pervert. Maybe I should get used to - it's another fucking time at least. But I still have my pride, which doesn't let me give up. _

_I'm not going to give him any satisfaction._

_I'm not going to cry. _

_I'm not going to loose myself and become pet as he wants me to be. _

_I'm trying to think about something else. _

_He moves faster and faster. I close my eyes and I try so hard to focus my thoughts on anything, but not that piercing pain and reason of it. Maybe my studies... I still have a lot of work to do... Oh fuck, it's so fucking painful._

_I hear his heavier breath, his weighty form on my chest. Uncontrolled tears started to fall down his cheeks. No, please... Get a grip, Seto. I don't want to cry... I can't show him my weaknes... _

_I pretend it's only a bad dream. I'll wake up in a moment and it all will just disappear..._

_If it's just a nightmare, why it gives me so much intolerable pain..._

_He's thrusting chaotically and his every movement is nothing more, but my another end._

_I just want to die, but I still have my beloved brother. I don't want to think about him when I'm being abused, I never would like him to look at me as a weak one. But his my only force, if not Mokuba, I wouldn't have any reason to go through that. But if this way I can provide him good future..._

_Next thrust and he moans louder. It's end. For him, of course, cause I'm still in pain, every scrap of my body screams with suffering.  
_

_I'm still trembling and crying, hidding my face into my hands, when he stands up and leaves me defiled. _

_I am the agony inside._


	4. The closest distance

_"I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface_

_I don't know what you are expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there_

_I've become so tired, so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do _

_Is be more like me and the less like you"_

* * *

"You won't guess, who visited us" the mysterious tone of the voice made him a bit curious.

"Huh?" he muttered surpringsly in response, narrowing his eyes.

It wasn't something Yugi heard often. In general nothing special happened at his grandpa's game shop. Sometimes, as that day, tricolored-haired teen was told to came there at school at once. But it was never any big deal, just new delivery of cards or something smiliar. Now the elder man seemed to be agitated, what intrigued his grandson.

"That little Kaiba boy came to us over hour ago... He told he would wait for you as long as needed" Yugi's grandfather lowered his voice. There wasn't anyone but them, so Yugi realized Mokuba still had to be around.

The teen didn't found anything strange in that situation - maybe Seto was always distant and cool, but the raven-haired teen really liked Yugi and his friends. To be honest, young Mutou was probably his only friend beyond his Nii-sama. They hung out together quite often, in the game shop as well, so Yugi didn't understand, what confused his grandfather. But he was about found it out, when he heard following words.

"There's something... wrong. He didn't let me help him, but... That kid really doesn't look good." Yugi narrowed his eyes. "He's sitting in the back of the shop" he added quickly, pointing the door out.

"Grandpa, will you manage with the shop alone? I would go to him", the younger still didn't understad what was happening, but his grandfather's words worried him. Something was definietly wrong.

Getting a short nod in response, Yugi headed the door. He opened it quietly, then he saw something what really scared him.

The younger Kaiba was sitting on the floor, leading his back against the wall. With knees up to his chin, arms wrapping aroung them, he was staring at the wall in front of him with an empty sight. But it wasn't the worst of this pathetic view. There was a wound crossing his cheek, his T-shirt was cut on a shoulder which was bleeding slightly. Yugi hissed, seeing the mix of blood, sweat and tears on Mokuba's face. It was so strange; the raven-haired, opposite to his brother, usually seemed to be cheerful. Sometimes less, sometimes more, but he never looked so depressed. And now the teen looked just miserable as something really horrible happened to him.

"Mokuba...?", Yugi stepped in, then the teen noticed his presence. A little smiled played along his lips, but few seconds later he hung his head again. The raven-haired started to stroke fabric of his jeans, sniffling. Yugi bit his lower lip. In a moment he knelt beside the younger, slowly wiping wet from the other's cheeks. "Mokuba...", the violet eyes gave him a worrying look. It was hard to not look at cut cloth and bleeding spots on his skin. "What happened...?"

"Ah, you mean this?" Mokuba's stormy eyes stared at his cut T-shirt; he shrugged. "It really doesn't matter, Yugi...", he told quietly, altought he was aware of his miserable appearance. "Your grandpa wanted to help me with taking care of them, but they are unimportant", he sounded so calm; it really didn't match somebody in his condition.

"Mokuba..." Yugi whispered his name once again. "Don't tell me it's not important...", but there was one more thing which bothered the young Mutou. "Why didn't you go with this to your brother? I'm sure he would..."

"I do not want him to help me with anything", Mokuba interrupted him with so cold voice. He turned his head from Yugi, then he closed his eyes.

_His appearance is odd. His behaviour is odd. But now it's the oddest thing I've heard from him ever. _Before Yugi had met Mokuba, he had never thought anyone could so respect and adore someone other as the raven-haired teen had respected and adored his older brother. It was a kind of unconditional love, he had never met before. Whatever had happened, the tricolored-haired couldn't just believe Mokuba's statement was true.

"Why?" he asked simply. Then one thought came to his mind, altought it seemed to be even more impossible. _But if really..._ "Mokuba", he added before the other could say anything. "Don't you want to tell me he..."

"No!" the younger Kaiba stood up suddenly, pushing Yugi accidentally. "How dare you think Nii-sama did it to me?", he said it louder than he wanted to actually, but he felt upset because of his friend's suspicion. Yugi didn't have to end his question, Mokuba already knew what he wanted to ask. _Don't you want to tell me he did it to you? _But when he saw surprised sight in the violet eyes, he realized he had overreacted. "I'm sorry..." Mokuba sighed heavily. "I'm a bit nervous recently", the teen sat down in the previous position, now his voice sounded softer.

_I see... _Yugi thought to himself, but he only shifted to sat by Mokuba's side. He wrapped one of his arms aroud the other and hugged him warmly. _I really would like to get to know what happened... Or just easy his mind. _He considered maybe talking wasn't what the raven-haired needed at that moment; they both just stayed quiet for a longer moment.

"Yugi..." Mokuba broke the silent, still nuzzling his cheek to Mutou's shoulder. Finally he started to confess, really believing he could tell his friend everything. "I had a terrible quarrel with Nii-sama... I needed to take it out on somebody... There are some idiots in my school who teased me, so... Uh, now you can guess, why I'm looking so poorly..." Yugi pulled Mokuba even closer to him. But when the violet-eyes didn't say anything, Kaiba raised his eyes on his friend and bit his bottom lip. "Could I stay for a night...? Please, I don't want to go home."

The tricolored-haired sighed deeply. He wanted to help Mokuba, but he couldn't just let him stay without Seto's agreement. From the other side, Mutou felt he couldn't just do anything. He swallowed, then he stood up. "Wait a moment. We need to take care of your wounds at first", Yugi didn't give the other any chance for response, leaving the room. Mokuba just sighed and closed his eyes, waiting for his friend's return. For a moment he felt better, but when he stayed alone with his thoughts, he cracked a little inside once again. There was too much to think about, too much bothered him. Suddenly the lyrics he had heard few day ago appeared in his mind. _Gotta get bad before it gets good, it gotta het bad, before it gets good. _Mokuba pulled his knees to his chin even closer. He lifted his head only then Yugi came back.

"It will sting a little...", he said, dropping some peroxide on the other's cheek. Mokuba hissed and bit his bottom lip. "Sorry... I wouldn't be a good nurse", Yugi gave the raven-haired an apologizing smile.

"No, it's fine...", Mokuba muttered, but was looking forward until the violet-eyes would be done with cleaning his skin. "Thank you", he said quietly, when it finally happened.

Yugi shrugged, then he sat again beside the younger. "I would prefer to do more to help you."

"I-I just want Nii-sama to stop ignore me..." Mokuba whispered, toying with a fabric of his pants. He looked at Yugi and sniffled. "I do not want him to be so cold to me", he wasn't about to cry, but he felt sadness, because he didn't know what to do. But Yugi always knew, he had a solution to every possible situation, what made Mokuba respect him even as much as Seto and it was the main reason, why the raven-haired came to Mutou with his problem.

Yugi didn't answer for a moment. He was wondering what could happen if Mokuba thought so. Of course the young duelist always found his rival as a cool person, usually impolite and a little surly. But when it came to the younger, Kaiba never behaved that way. Yugi was sure Mokuba was the only person capable of crash Seto's cold personality. "You know your brother", the violet-eyes finally started to speak, wrapping an arm around Mokuba once again. "He's sometimes unbearable, even pesky, but if he loves anyone, it's definietly you."

"So he doesn't love anyone..." Mokuba whispered with a stubborn tune in his voice.

Yugi laughed slightly. "Sometimes you are really like your brother, as stubborn as he is. But you know...? I'm sure he hates your fight as well, so try to talk to him... And avoiding a problem as you want to do by staying here at night isn't any solution."

Mokuba closed his eyes and nuzzled his cheek to the other's shoulder. He was curious if Seto would be jealous seeing his younger brother hugging his rival. It made him smile a little. The raven-haired felt somewhat better; Yugi's words really made sense for him. "Thank you..." he whispered again. "Thank you for everything", he wasn't totally convinced, but not so depressed at least.

"Let me call your brother, Mokuba", Yugi stroked the other's hair and gave him another smile. He tried to not sound worrying, altought that situation confused him.

Mokuba sighed deeply. "I'll mull it over, okay?"

The other nodded shortly. He stand up and offered Mokuba a hand to help him stand up as well. "Sure. Now come on, my grandpa's got a new delivery of cards, we'll take a look at them. Maybe it woud raise your mood, huh?"

* * *

It would have be another usual day in Kaiba Corporation, if not really bad mood of the young president of the company. He was known as a person, who easly get annoyed, ironic and hot-headed. People knew how unbearable he was, when something wasn't as he wished. Despite being obsessed with execute his commands, he was such a great CEO. Even if sometimes he fired his employees just for simple reasons as doing something on their own or forgetting about remind their boss of any meeting. Even if at that moment he was growling at everyone in the reach of his sight.

Seto Kaiba was sitting in his office on the highest level of Kaiba Corporation. Crossing his legs under the desk, arms on his chest, he was just staring at the screen of his laptop. He couldn't focus on anything and he was in the mood of just nothing; for a longer time he didn't feel so wretched. There was a empty document in front of him and from time to time he tried to type something, but it ended by deleting everything.

"Kaiba-sama, that engineer you wanted to talk to..."

Seto rolled his blue eyes. He didn't raise his sight to glance at an elegant woman in the doorway, whose behaviour annoyed him even more. "Iwasaki, what I've told you about stepping in to my office without knocking before?" he asked with a little impatient tone in his voice. It sounded as monotonous as usual when he was talking to his employees, even with a little anger. "Go out and come back later, when you'll understand you can't avoid my commands, if you want to keep your job."

_Such a stupid girl_ he thought to himself. _Why do I have to work with so many idiots?_ At that moment he couldn't understand, why he had hired someone like that woman. She was definietly competent, but it was another time she didn't follow his orders. Maybe appropriate knocking wasn't the most important of her tasks, but his employees' behaviour was as important for Seto as their skills.

When one moment later the blue-eyes heard knocking on the door, he just ignored it. He loved to tease those silly people, when his mood was fucking bad. It didn't help to get his frame of mind better, but the CEO just liked to take it out on somebody. Employees, depended upon him, were just perfect for it.

"Kaiba-sama? Kaiba-sama, it's really important" the voice behind the door sounded a bit impatiently. "Please, let me in."

"Suck me tender", Kaiba muttered, sure the woman didn't hear him. Even if she did, he didn't care. At that moment, he didn't care of anything. Almost.

He closed his laptop with a loud snap. Still hearing annoying sounds coming from the hallway, Seto stood up and went to the window. Once again he crossed his arms on his chest. From the highest level of the buliding, he had an excellent view. He could see beautiful panorama of Domino City which now looked so ordinarily. Lots of rushing people, but also lots of walkers, mothers with their children or playing kids. Nothing more but just simply life.

Sometimes Seto desired such an normal life. He felt just tired up, especially the day after a fucking hard night, when the brunet couldn't sleep all night long. It wouldn't have been anything new for him, he accustomed himself to sleep extremely hardly anything. But not to nearly cry because of mix of anger, sadness and powerlessness. The blue-eyes still felt hurt after a fight with his yonger brother, unluckily it wasn't going to end. He didn't suppose Mokuba was capable of being as stubborn as he was. He was sure the raven-haired would come to him and apologize even last night, but nothing like that happened.

Kaiba opened the window, then he sat down on the windowsill sideways. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled his cheek to the cold glass. A horrible headache bothered him form the early morning, so he found icy touch as a little, pleasant relief.

Seto couldn't stop to think about his brother. Mokuba didn't understand how much pain he had given him, it was obvious for the blue-eyes. But their quarrel was probably his limit. Seto doubted he could stand anything more. That night gave him a lot of painful memories he just wanted to forget. They bothered him for years and when he started to leave them behind... He was going to break down and the only possible one to save him was too far and distant.

All of a suden, he felt vibes in one of the pockets of his leather pants. He reached his cell phone and moaned with discontent. _Oh fuck, what a good timing... He exactly knows when I don't want to talk to anyone. A__nd__ he is at the top of __the list of __people I'm not gonna speak with. _In spite of unwiligness, Seto answered the call. "What do you want, Yugi?", he asked with more harsh voice than he meant.

_"Kaiba-kun?" _Yugi seemed to be a little surprised with that harsh, but he kept being as poite as always. _"Could you come to me?" _

"I don't have any time" the brunet said simply. Seto could say he wanted to get a cookie and effect would be the same. Sound of his voice was antipathetic enough, significance of the sentence was just unnecessary.

_"I guess so. But it's about Mokuba. He came to me and... Kaiba, he doesn't look well and I don't suppose it's something to talk about by the phone. You really need to come and-"_, Seto hung up. Orders? He wasn't going to execute Yugi Mutou's orders, especially about caring about his brother. He knew how to do it and didn't need any advices.

Seto fisted his hands and growled. It was a kind of situation he really hated. The blue-eyes was still very angry with Mokuba, but if something was wrong with him... When it was about the teen, Seto could desert his pride. Protecting his little brother was always the most important thing to him.

* * *

"He really has a flair for this, you know?"

Yugi stepped in from the back of the shop and smiled slightly after the elder Mutou's words. Mokuba was still standing next to the tricolored-haired's grandfather, looking over some cards in his hands. He hadn't seen the ones before, but he noticed they would match to his brother's deck. Two spell cards and a trap one. "Nii-sama has taught me a little...", he said with a little sniffle.

"I think Yugi could teach you as well", the raven-haired sighed deeply after that sentence. He was aware of Yugi's grandpa's unwillingness to his Nii-sama and he didn't found anything strange in that fact. He had really good reason, but the elder probably didn't know the reason, why the older Kaiba had destroyed his Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

"You don't like my Nii-sama...", Mokuba said quietly concluding, not asking. Even now his heart speeded up a little, when he thought about Seto. "But if you don't like him because of ripping up your Blue-Eyes, I should be the blamed one..."

Yugi narrowed his violet eyes. He didn't expect the teen would answer that way, but he kept quiet, seeing Mokuba opening his mouth once again.

"Nii-sama promised me to get the Blue-Eyes... I wanted it from the first time I saw it" it was more meaning than he told, but Mokuba didn't want to talk about the whole story. He was sure his Nii-sama wouldn't like him to do it. "Over time he gained the first one, the second... And he wanted to have all Blue-Eyes White Dragons, because he knew how much I was crazy about that card. He liked to call it as our pride and soul, symbol of our love." _Love. Our love. _When Mokuba said it aloud, it didn't sound as in his head. For anyone else it was just brotherly love, but for the younger Kaiba 'love' didn't equal only 'brotherly' anymore. "I'm sorry...", he added whispering.

The younger Motou knew the story already. He had heard it in the virtual world, maybe not everything, but he knew how important the Blue-Eyes was for the brothers. The tricolored-haired didn't suppose it was the reason, why Seto teared up his grandpa's card, but now it made sense.

"Your brother is such a lucky man thanks to having you", Mokuba couldn't hold back a grin, hearing the elder's words. He murmured quiet thanks, still staring at the cards in his hands.

All of a sudden, the door became opened. A tall figure, dressed in a black leather pants, a shirt in the same colour and a white coat without sleeves which was waving slightly with every gust of wind. Even in summer Seto Kaiba was always full-dressed, never showing even a small part of his skinny body. He didn't bother himself by stepping in, but only one gaze was enough to see Mokuba's miserable condition. He froze, seeing his brother's cut clothes, bruises and trails of blood on his skin. _Who dared... _Seto clenched his teeth, his hands fisted automatically. But he wasn't about being so protective and careful in the doorway of Mutous' game shop. It was just his and Mokuba's issue and he didn't want anyone to integrate.

"Leave it", Seto glanced at a few cards in the younger's hands. "I'm taking you home."

"N-Nii-sama...", Mokuba gave his brother a surprised gaze. He didn't expect the blue-eyes would really come for him, especially after their fight. But when he saw his love, his heartbeat speeded up.

"I'm not going to say it again, Mokuba", the older Kaiba turned and just left. He headed his car where he wanted to wait for his little brother; not for a long time, he hoped.

Maybe it wasn't quite a nice behaviour, but a slight smile played along Yugi's lips. The violet-eyes had noticed a shadow of enrage expression on Seto's face, when he had seen Mokuba and his bad condition. _Kaiba being... __so __Kaib__a. __But h__e won't deny how much he cares for his brother. _

Mokuba swallowed hard. His Nii-sama looked so pissed off and the raven-haired hoped that he wasn't the reason. One fight was definietly enough for him, now he wanted just his old, beloved Nii-sama back.

"I have to go", the younger from brothers muttered quietly; his cheeks blushed a little. "Goodbye and... thank you for everything once again", before Yugi or his grandpa had any opportunity to response, Mokuba ran out from the shop to join his older brother. He was aware waiting for so long could only make Seto more upset.

When the younger reached the black ferrari parked in front of the shop and sat down near to the older, Seto gave him a worrying look. But the brunet didn't forget about their fight and still felt just bad with that. He didn't know exactly what to say, so he just started to drive. Seto hoped Mokuba wouldn't like to talk at that moment, it probably just wasn't a proper time.

Mokuba closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against the window. Soft noises made by the car were peaceful, even sending to sleep. But he couldn't take a rest, when pissed off Nii-sama was still coming to his mind. It bothered the raven-haired too much, so he tried to clean the atmosphere. "Are you angry with me, Nii-sama...?" he asked, meaning to sound innocently.

Seto rolled his eyes. "I'm driving, Mokuba", he answered with a little annoyed voice. _Recently he does everything I don't want him to do. Purposely? _

"You're such a good driver, Nii-sama", the younger wasn't about to give up. "I know you can talk and drive simultaneously."

"I can talk, I can drive, but I can't piss off, so just stay quiet, Mokuba", Seto felt raising anger. He didn't want to get angry at his brother, especially when something was definietly wrong with Mokuba, but it was just stronger than him. Such a stupid question, sush a stupid obstinacy.

The younger sniffled. He never supposed he would prefer to stay with Yugi than with Seto, but at that moment he just wanted to come back to the game shop. Of course he didn't say it aloud - Mokuba knew it would only get the situation even worse. However he wasn't going to be meek and submissive, while the blue-eyes only growled at him.

When Seto parked in front of their house, Mokuba got out of the car at once. _I was so fool to let Yugi call him... We're going to have another fight, I sense it. _Going upstairs, he passed one of their maids who gave him a surprised look. The younger Kaiba knew how pathetically he looked, but he really didn't care, besides asking wasn't their maids' task. When he only reached his bedroom, the raven-haired teen fell down on his bed. With closed eyes, he nuzzled his face to a soft pillow. Mokuba was sure Seto would come to him for a moment and he was right; when just few minutes passed, the characteristic sound of his brother's slow footsteps became audible.

"What do you want?" Mokuba asked, when the older only opened the door. "Yesterday you didn't want to speak with me, one moment ago as well. Now I'm not in the mood of talking with you, even of staying with you in the same room", the younger knew those words were so rude and he didn't really want to say them, but even when he realized it, he wasn't going to apologize.

Seto sighed deeply. Mokuba could swear there was a litte hurt in the sapphire eyes for a short moment. "I'm not interested in your wantings", the older crossed his arms on his chest, anger was back in his sight. "Tell me two things. Who did it to you and why did you go with that to Mutou instead of coming to me?"

But the blue-eyes didn't get any answer. He had no idea, why Mokuba was behaving like that, if Seto was the only one who should've be resentful. Finally Mokuba shook his head and curled up. "If you don't respect me, I'm not going to respect you too", there was a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice. "Leave me alone."

"I respect you, Mokuba" the older said quietly, trying to calm his voice. He knew the next fight would lead them to nowhere and he didn't have any force to go throught the same once again. "I just want to protect you, so tell me..."

"Do not lie!" Mokuba cried out, what made his brother so confused. Seto looked like he got a slap just now, incapable of any response. "I can't stand any longer your fucking protection if it contains nothing more, but ignoring me and growling at me", Mokuba shifted himself and now he was lying on his right side, his back facing the other. With face buried into the pillow, the teen felt single teardrops coming to his eyes. "Do you really want to know, why I'm looking like a piece of shit? Because I was fed up with you and I had to take it out on anybody."

"So you got into a fight at school, didn't you?", Seto tried to not focus on the first sentences and Mokuba's reproach, but it was harder and harder with every painful word. Normally Seto would sold his brother for such an irresponsible action, but at that moment he really wanted just to calm the other. He sighed deeply, not surprised Mokuba didn't response. "You always asked me to let you leave your school... If it has to end up that way, I'll take you from there", sounded like a bribery, but the older Kaiba didn't have any another idea, how to make his brother stop being angry with him.

"I don't."

"Why?", the quite answer surprised Seto. It wasn't something he expected, the blue-eyes was sure Mokuba would love the proposal.

"I want to go to school and have friends", Mokuba started to explain, finnaly turning around to face the older. There was something in his eyes Seto couldn't name. Not rage, not sorrow and definietly not the loving stormy eyes the older knew and missed so much. "I do not want to be like you... With no friedns, so selfish, toying with people... Now you're nice to me, only because I defied you and if you lost me, you wouldn't have anyone else", he told it just to split his older brother. Mokuba wanted to be just one time not the only one who get hurt by the other. He didn't regret his words, even those from the last night, but unexpectedly his reproah was painful for him too. "Leave me alone..."

Seto was just standing there, shocked; he found his body shaking, unable to any movemenet. He had no idea what was worse - his little brother loving or hating him. Both options had to be just destruction.

Mokuba turned over; the raven-haired felt he was going to cry, but he didn't want Seto to see it. He never argued with his brother and with two fighst withing less than twenty four hours, he felt just awfully.

There was only silence between them, breaking from time to time only by the younger's soft sobbing he even didn't try to stop; he was too powerless. When his crying got louder, Seto did something he would never expect, not when he had sworn to himself to not get too close to Mokuba. But this was too much for him and he just needed to be near to the only one he loved. Seto desired his brother's closeness, he knew they both needed it - they both needed to easy their minds and there was only one way to do it.

He knelt near to the bed and reached his hand to the other's hair; the blue-eyes started to stroke them gently. "Shh..." Seto whispered softly, but he was about to cry too. He scrambled up onto the bed and lay down beside Mokuba. The older wrapped his arms around the smaller closely and started to rock him, nuzzling himself to the other's back. Kaiba caressed his little brother as strong as he only could, as their warm embrace was the only thing keeping him alive. Seto moved his hand from the raven hair down to his brother's chest and tightly clenched his fingers on the fabric of Mokuba's T-shirt. The gentle body in his arms was everything he desired. He started to kiss his love's head in such a chaotically way. With face hidden in the raven hair, Seto felt Mokuba's wonderful smell; so sweet and soothing, the same as his owner. But he was still crying, shivering, what Seto just couldn't stand for any longer. "Mokie, please... Don't cry... Your tears are too much for me to endure..." he was giving the younger another kiss after every word. His body was trembling, the same as he was trembling inside and he felt a horrible feeling of burning in his chest.

It was something Mokuba dreamed about for a long time - his beloved Nii-sama kissing him, cuddling, they both so close to each other. But there was still a mix of anger and resentment inside him. Still too many memories about the older ignoring him, even after being so loving a moment ago. The raven-haired couldn't just resist and cling to Seto, wrapping his arms around his brother's neck, returning every kiss. The teen still felt it was just out of his reach. This whole situation was nothing more, nothing meaning, only inflow of tenderness, because after Mokuba's words the older Kaiba felt lost and lonely. Another rejection would be just too much for the teen.

Mokuba forced himself to push Seto away and he sat down on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chin. "I've told you, leave me alone."


	5. A night in D minor

**Originally, this chapter had to be a part of the next one. But I love to write as Seto and focus on his mental, so I just needed to make it this way. Anyway, I hope you'll like it.**

* * *

_"Incompatible, it don't matter though_

_'Cause someone's bound to hear my cry_

_Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find_

_Who doesn't long for someone's to hold_

_Who knows how to love you without being told_

_Somebody tell me, why I'm on my own,_

_If there's a soulmate for everyone"_

* * *

Three Blue-Eyes White Dragons are laying in front of me on the white cover. I'm moving my fingertips down one of them and a slight smile plays along my lips. There're more cards as well, but my beloved Dragons are the ones I always give the most attention. They are one of not many stable things in my life which can ease my mind; in the point I'm at the moment, I need something like them more than usually.

I'm sitting on the bed with my legs crossed and I'm leaning my back agaist the headrest; it's the most comfortable position for me, especially now, when I want to have the best view on my cards. I'm spending tonight playing a little with my deck. I'm looking my cards over, thinking about some new tactics; there is no other activity I could focus on, when my mind is full of bothersome thoughts.

Normally I would do all these things with my younger brother. Mokuba just loves talking with me about Duel Monsters. Sometimes I give him part of my cards and we duel together just for fun. Of course I never play with him my best; it has to please us, anyway he's quite good. Huh, how he couldn't be, when _I am _the one teaching him? Our little duels from time to time give me more joy than professional duels with anyone.

To be honest, Mokuba is the only person I enjoy spending time together. My little brother is the only person whose company I like... probably 'love' is a better word in his case. We don't even have do anything, even staying in silence with Mokuba by my side is just wonderful. I don't like to spend time with other people. Maybe it's a little strange; I spend most of my time in Kaiba Corporation, where, willy-nilly, I have to speak with them very often. I never could find my feet when it went to other people. It's so easy, when they just follow your orders, but when you must engage emotionally in any relationship... Well, I'm not going to do sort of ridiculous things like that. I've never felt any need to even try. I got used to that state of affairs - people give only pain and I'm not going to get more of it anymore, because of stupid letting anyone get too close to me.

There's still some cards that I can see only by the exterior, arranged in the tight pile. I draw one of them and my gaze meets Vorse Raider. Looking at that one, a thought comes to my mind; is there really something like 'heart of the cards'? Or maybe I already subconsciously belive in it? Sometimes I pretend my cards, especially Blue-Eyes, can hear me. I like to talk to him and treat him as my friend I never had. And even if he can't answer, I feel better with him by my side. My soul. My pride. The friend and the servant in one, who never let me down. He is also the symbol of my relationship with Mokuba. When I was exhausted because of learning without even a short break and I couldn't see any sense in that pathetic life, my younger brother drew him for me. Nearly ten years passed, but I still remember that moment very well. It was the time when I swore to get the real Blue-Eyes White Dragon; not one, all of them, because I knew how much Mokuba was crazy about that card.

I hope one day he will understant that all my life is sacrificied for him and everything I do, it is always for his sake.

I hear his footsteps going downstairs. It makes me look at my cell phone to check an hour; nearly ten in the evening. Mokuba is probably going to drink something before his sleep. He always does it, it helps him fall asleep.

I'm thinking about him for a longer moment. The weekend was just agony for me; since Mokuba threw me out from his bedroom, he didn't told me even one word. He's still in his bedroom, he even ate there if I was at home. I can't understand his behaviour, he never was like that. He has to be so angry with me... Or maybe he hates me already.

Longing for him makes me feel so empty inside. I miss him so much; I miss his cute face, his big, stormy eyes which always gave me so loving glance. I miss the sweetest smile, I definietly could kill for it. And I miss his soft voice. When I hear him calling me "Nii-sama", when there is always so much concern and adoration in his tone, I feel like don't need anything more; my little piece of happiness.

I'm so pathetic... It's what I wanted, right? I kept a distance between us to make him stop have feelings towards me. But from the other side... Oh fuck, sometimes I really cant' stand myself.

My body is a little tired in contrast to my mind; so another sleepless night is coming. It scares me a bit, because for me nights are the worst part of days. They paralyze me and always bring memories, emotions I woudn't like to remember, but forget forever. I can't understand that, but nights are so different than daytime. Every fear is more dreadful, dreams seem to be more unreachable and loneliess... Well, loneliess tastes even more bitter than usual. I just hate it. I hate it the same as the reason, why I feel it.

I sigh deeply. Leaving my cards, now I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. I took off my favourite white sleeveless coat, but I didn't put it away. My sight is placed on the metal KC near to the collar. Sometimes I really have no idea, why I'm still wearing it. Kaiba Corporation isn't the same company as years ago, but I still hate that last name. I hate person, who gave me it. Not so comfortable, being called after man who used to abuse me physically and mentally, even if Seto Kaiba is known as a powerful and I-can-do-everything man. And, I know, the surname let me secure Mokuba's future and give him everything he could ever need or want. I hate myself when I have to say I don't regret anything, 'cause my suffer let Mokuba have a good life.

Just from time to time I want those memories get out of my head so badly...

Finally I let the coat fall onto the floor. I take off belts from my arms and my black shirt as well; it's so good to be just in my dark undershirt. Recently days are so hot, but I hate being not fully-dressed. I'm not sure it's another complication after my damned past, nonetheless thought about someone looking at my body just disgusts me.

I hear Mokuba's footsteps once again. He's going back and I know, he will sleep in a moment. My brother always falls asleep so easy. The exact opposite of me. For a short while I want to go to him, but I still have my pride. I was near to lose it three days ago and now it's his turn to make a move. Because I can't imagine that the awful situation between us could go on for a longer time. It's the first time we don't speak to each other. I screwed up, but I wanted to fix it; I'm not going to beg him to forgive me. I promised myself much time ago I won't beg anyone for anything. I bend back and now my back are lying down on the soft cover, my feet are still on the floor. I pick some random cards and start to shuffle them just to have any activity.

_I was lying on my bed with face burying into a pillow. I was trying so hard to not cry, but another teardrops appeared in the corners of my eyes; I had more of them blurried on my cheeks already. Sometimes, when I was feeling as my body was on fire, I was wondering how much pain one man can stand, especially when psychic pain was killing from inside the same as the physic. If I head any limits, they definietly had to expand much time ago._

_He was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed again. I felt smoke of the cigarette. Huh, he liked to doing it when he ended already. I didn't care. Smell from the cigarette is way too better than his own that alwyas made me sick. My damned step-father liked to do one more thing with a cigarette and I was sure he was about doing it in a moment._

_"Don't!", I cried out, when he finally extinguished the cigarette on my back. I raised my head and unluckily he noticed tears on my face which got red the same as my eyes. _

_"You are so fucking weak, Seto", he said with annoyed tone in his voice, but he was very calm. "Your pathetic behaviour does never let me have some fun", a smirk played along his mouth. _

_I turned my back to him and curled up. "Get out", I said quietly. I knew it wouldn't help, but I just couldn't stay in silence and let him do with me whatever he only wanted to._

_I could bet he smiled. I heard it in his voice, when he spoke to me again. "Typical slut", he pushed me by my hair to face him. "Don't you want to spend some time with your father?"_

_It was unbearable, hearing him calling himself that way. We both know he never was a father for me or Mokuba. But I didn't say it aloud, because it threatened another fight at the moment, when everything I wanted was just be alone with my suffering. "Get out", I repeated trying to sound calm._

_''Please me."_

_'Fuck off' were the first words which came to my mind. I say it aloud before I had thought about it. He hit me with his free hand. More pain? No problem, I got used to. But I started to cry again... Oh fuck, I'm just fucking weak... I found it impossible to pretend even to myself. _

_"The only possible 'fuck' is 'fuck you' once again. So decide, whoreson. Do you want to be fucked or beg me as a nice hooker you are?"_

_"Go out... please", I said, forcing myself to not spit at his loathsome face._

_"Be nicer, Seto", no doubt he just enjoyed that._

_I closed my eyes. I don't want to do that, but I have no choice. Being powerless is something I can't stand. "Please, let me be alone... I'm begging you..."_

_Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck, how much I hate you, how much I scorn you. I want to see you all in pain. I want to be the one giving you fucking suffer. Die. Just, fuck, die. _

_I felt so pathetic, 'cause I was capable of saying it only in my mind. _

_He lowered to kiss me and I know he did it only to tease me. It was something he always called 'goodnight kiss for beloved son'. _

"Fuck off", I find myself saying it aloud. Sometimes I talk to myself aloud, because this way I'm able to run away from my bothersome thoughts. It was one of memories that comes to my mind oftener than I would like. Fuck, I never want them. I want them only to disappear, but recently they remind me about themselves over and over.

They will not disappear. Never. I believed there is one way to forget about them, but now... No matter. It will bother me forever, I reconciled myself to that fact much time ago.

I stood up and crossed the room. My bedroom is the only room in whole house, when maids musn't come. Even if I'm tired, I always clean it myself and everything here is done by me. When someone tries to reach my space, it really drives me crazy. There is a row of bookcases next to the door, full of books and cd albums. Books are arranged by colours of their spines. First are the green ones, with all their shades, then yellow, orange, red, purple, blue. On the other bookcase are layd only white, gray and black books. When I look at it now, I've got so many achromatic books.

When it goes to music, albums are arranged by frequency I listen to them. I've got such a big collection of albums; I like to have them, even if I don't listem to all of them. Kneeling in front of them, I'm looking them over to find something commensurate with my mood. A melancholy one, but not too sad... I don't like to get myself down. U2, Nickelback, Depeche Mode, Foo Fighters... I'm really proud of my music taste. It's excellent, isn't it? But no, Bono, Gahan, you aren't proper at the moment. Even you, Morrison, but you know how much I adore you... Okay, sometimes I talk not only to my Dragons, but favourite vocalist as well.

I love classical music too. It always helps me calm down and it is what I need now. Bach, Beethoven... I used to play lots of Beethoven; he has to be really great, if I still want to listen to him. Finally I reached for Erik Satie, one of my favourite composers. I don't have enough words to describe, how his 'Gnossienne' moves me from inside, especially number 3. I turned it on and soft melodies of piano reach my ears.

I'm lying down on my bed again. With closed eyes, I'm just listening to the music, trying to think about anything. There are a few thunders far away; the storm is coming, but there's nothing strange in that fact, we had consecutive some hot days in Domino.

Since my parents' are gone, I spend every stormy night in only one way. Closing Mokuba in warm embrace, I was kissing his soft raven hair, caressing it the same as his back. He always nuzzled his face to the crook of my neck and trembling a little. I've got no idea, why he's so afraid of storms, but I didn't mind it. Of course I hate it, when my younger brother afraid of anything, but I can't help how much I love his touch, his fragile body in my arms...

The lack of the common came with another load thunder, but I don't care that now I'm in dark room and only noise I hear makes rain hitting my windows. Mokuba is still asleep or he is too proud to come to me, but I'm not gonna check it. But if the first case... I really miss his body by my side. I miss everything about him and, fuck, I'm lying in my bed swearing I'll never make a distance between us, if only things turn out better. Love makes me so weak, but I probably want to be weak if that weakness is because of Mokuba and his closeness.

I sighed, stroking playfully my dark bangs. Finally I rest my hand on my forehead adn I close my eyes. Once again my thoughts go in direction they shouldn't, straight towards my brother, but I have only them; there's no Mokuba in my bed, so I want to have him at least in my head.

In my mind he's once again in my bed. We are cuddling each other, his hands are in my hair and on my chest, when I'm wrapping my arms around his waist closely. His shivering in my arms but I doubt it's because of fear. He's slowly kissing my neck, sometimes I feel his tongue on my skin and it's the best what I've ever felt. I pulled him even closer, slidling my hands under...

Staph. It's becoming dangerous. Go to fucking sleep, Nii-sama.

Have I just called myself 'Nii-sama'...?


	6. Morphine

_"Your cruel device, your blood like ice_

_One look __–__ could kill, my pain __– __your thrill_

_I wanna love you, but I better not touch_

_I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop_

_I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much_

_I wanna taste you, but your lips are like venemous poison_

_You're poison running through my veins, y__ou're poison_

_I don't wanna break these chains"_

* * *

Mokuba woke up with a shout leaving his mouth. He pushed himself to a sitting position with one hand on his chest, his breath got heavier. Under his fingertips, he felt his heart beating unnaturally fast. For a moment he didn't know exactly what was happening, until another thunder reached his ears. He found his body trembling; the storms were something that always made him scared, especially when there was no Nii-sama's arms to bury into them.

"Just some loud noises... No need to be worry about", he was repeating in his mind, when he finally lay down and curled up. The quilt was so warm, the same as his pillow. It should've made him feel safe; Mokuba loved to hug soft stuffs, it was a sort of comfort. And there was no possibility to get another way to ease his mind. The teen was not about going to Seto and nuzzle to his body as he always did, when he was scared about anything. Maybe he loved and adored his Nii-sama, but the younger Kaiba was capable of being as stubborn as his older brother. He didn't feel well with the way their relationship was going on, but he wasn't going to apologize. Mokuba wanted Seto to stop thinking only about himself and treating him like a toy which can be loved in a moment and throwing out in the next one. And, he really believed so, ignoring was the only way to learn Seto he couldn't do behave like that any longer. From the other side, he wouldn't be surprised if Seto waited for Mokuba's sorry as well. He knew the older, he knew how stubborn he was, egocentric, never wanting to admit to any mistake. But now it wasn't going to be so easy for Kaiba, Mokuba had sworn it to himself few days ago and he wasn't about break the promise just because he was afraid of storm.

All of a sudden, the teen heard a soft noise of opened door. He froze; he didn't need to check who was coming, it could be only one person. It was middle of the night and the fact his brother just came to his bedroom was at least strange. Mokuba stayed quiet; he had no idea how to behave, so he decided to wait for the older's explanation. Seto slid into bed and lay down next to Mokuba, turning his back to the teen. The raven-haired really didn't understand much from the situation. Enough time passed since they slept together the latest time and, Mokuba already knew it, his Nii-sama wasn't going to share a bed with him anymore. Especially when they were divided. The younger Kaiba hoped the other woud speak with him and explain what was happening, but Seto didn't look like somebody who was about starting a talk. It annoyed Mokuba; even if Seto had come to him, he was still ignoring the teen. "Afraid of the storm?" Mokuba asked maliciously, meaning to compel the older to talking.

A sigh of annoyance escaped from Kaiba's mouth. "Nice try", he said with his typical monotonous voice, a mix of being bored and angry. "Tell me more and I'll leave you here alone to cry out with a fear again", Seto didn't even bother himself to look at his brother. He had come to Mokuba's bedroom, because he had been worried, hearing the youger's scream. They didn't have to speak with each other, but he was the older and, it went without saying, more reasonable and responsbile brother at first. He had to comfort Mokuba with his best, even if he had to desert his pride. Nonetheless he hoped for a better repay than the biting question. After Kaiba's answer, Mokuba bit his bottom lip. He wasn't nice to the other as first, but he just hated when Seto talked to him with such a cold tone. Otherwise the older was right, his presence was making the teen feel safely and gave him lots of comfort.

The only light in the room was coming from the street lights. Mokuba, lying sideways and looking at his brother's back, noticed that it clearly illuminated Seto's delicate muscles. The lines of shadows on his shoulders, arms, shoulder blades made the younger Kaiba want to touch his brother. He always found his Nii-sama very attractive, but he didn't remember the latest time when he saw Seto not fully-dressed. His heart speeded up as he was observing the older's body very thoroughly. Masculine scent hit his nostrils; it moved Mokuba too much, he didn't want to be divided with the older Kaiba any longer. It was enough to made the younger forget about his plans of ignoring his brother. "Nii-sama...", a quiet moan escaped from his lips involuntarily.

Seto stirred slightly. Mokuba's voice sounded way too calmer than a moment ago, what gave him a little relief. Because of the teen's previous actions, he was sure his brother hated him or was very angry with him; soft 'Nii-sama' didn't match to none of those feelings. "I don't want to fight with you any longer, Mokuba", he admitted quietly with a sigh. If there was a possibility of being reconciled, being still crossed with the other was totally meaningless.

"Neither do I...", Mokuba moved a little closer to his brother, but there was still a clearly distance between them. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Nii-sama..." the raven-haired whispered sadly; he wasn't capable of being angry with his Nii-sama for a longer time and his sight was enough to remind him of all his longing. He could avoid Seto when he didn't see him, but when Kaiba was in the reach of his arms... It got quite difficult and Mokuba wasn't sure whether he wanted to resist the temptation of being so close to the other, no matter if he had to apologize as first.

Seto shook his head. "We both told too much", his deep voice was barely audible. Even if he hated admitting to mistakes, now he had to. There were too much nerves, yearing, and suffer for both brothers to let the situation between them just go on. But he still couldn't forget about one thing Mokuba had told him. That reproach was too painful to forget about it without any clarification, but asking was heavy as well. "I... I just want to know one thing", Seto said slowly, fisting his one hand on the blue sheet.

The younger's eyes widened. The aswer surprised him; it didn't sound like Seto, but he liked it. He was afraid of being the only one saying sorry, what was likely with the older's unwillingness to being apologetic. "What is that, Nii-sama?" he asked with a curiosity.

Kaiba was still lying with his back turned to Mokuba. When it went to emotions, talking was really hard to him and not looking at the younger made it a little bit more tolerable. "I just want to know... You've told I'm like him...", his voice started to shiver slightly. "I just want to be sure, if-"

"No", Mokuba cut the sentence short; he already knew what the question was about. The teen was aware his Nii-sama had difficulty with that sort of subjects, so he wanted to help him. He owed Seto that and even more; Mokuba had no doubts, his words had hurt his brother, but he had to heard that trembling voice to understand, how much pain he gave the other. "I was angry with you... I'm sorry, I never meant to say anything painful, you know it, right...? Nii-sama..." Mokuba couldn't stand the awareness of his Nii-sama's suffering any longer; he placed his hand on Kaiba's waist, what produced another stir. Then, the teen started to stroke his brother's hair by his free hand. It wasn't comfortable for Seto. He desired Mokuba's touch, but not when his thoughts once again went to their step-father and the recent fights.

Closing his eyes, Kaiba sighed and finally turned to face Mokuba. "I know", he said simply. The teen didn't let him say anything more; he reached for his brother's hand and closed it in an embrace with his both hands.

"Nii-sama...", Mokuba whispered, rubbing his cheek against Seto's palm. "He was the worst, the most cruel person I've ever met... And you... you...", the younger had problem with collecting his thoughts. He just kissed his brother's hand again, the palm at first, then every long finger. It made the older a little confused; Mokuba wasn't in habit of doing something like that, but it too pleasant to interrupt.

"Wait...", Kaiba said quietly. He didn't want Mokuba to think he didn't like his action, but lying sideways was more and more uncomfortable. Seto lay on his back, letting the younger hold his hand all the time. The teen didn't change his position; now they were looking in their eyes each other, even if they couldn't see a lot because of lack of the current.

Kaiba wasn't sure whether Mokuba wanted to end the sentence. The teen kissed his brother's hand again with so much respect and love. _You don't even know, how fucking awful he was _Seto thought to himself in response to Mokuba's words. His little brother didn't know everything what their step-father had done to the older, but Kaiba was far away from making Mokuba realize the whole truth. He didn't want to burden him with that pain and worry him. He had to cope with his memories and suffer alone, moreover he didn't want the younger to think his Nii-sama was such a weak, bothered by the past person.

"You are perfect...", Mokuba said finally, giving his brother another kiss. "There is nothing you've got in common with him."

_Him. _Kaiba brothers hardly ever called their step-father in other way, but just 'he'. They never treated Gozaburo as their father, the same as he never called them his sons; he did it sometimes in such a biting way, just to tease Seto. Not saying his name had to be a sign of disrespect brothers had to him, but it helped Seto only a little bit. He was sure, the only way to feel relief would be forget about the man completly, just erease him from his and Mokuba's minds. Kaiba sighed deeply. "Thank you", he whispered; Mokuba's words gave him comfort he needed so much.

Mokuba released his brother's hand and wrapped his arms around Seto's waist. The sudden action unexpected, but Kaiba wasn't going to reject the younger. He clenched his fingers on Mokuba's T-shirt at once his other hand moved through raven hair. His breath got slighlty heavier; finally he had Mokuba in his arms, it was just wonderful - being able of feeling his closeness, feeling his hearbeating on the chest and soft breath on the neck. But Mokuba was still bothered by some issues and he needed to get a little comfort too, even if now raven-haired felt more peaceful than recently. Eventually he had his Nii-sama by his side and felt his warm touch that Mokuba missed it a lot, but he couldn't derive as much pleasure as he wanted. "B-but Nii-sama...", the teen said quietly. Seto raised his gaze at him, but didn't say anything, so Mokuba kept talking; there was shy tone in his voice. He really didn't want to say anything wrong, being afraid of another fight. "There's... There's som-something I-"

Until he ended the sentence, roll of thunder split the air, simultaneously with lightning that illuminated the sky. The noise was even louder than the previous ones, what made Mokuba hiss and clung to Kaiba. At the moment he was ashamed, but he wasn't capable of anything else, the fear was just stronger than him. Seto kissed his head, stroking his hair lazily. "There's no reason to be scared, you know?" he asked with his mouth near to his brother's ear, meaning more than only the thunderstorm.

The big, stormy eyes were staring at Seto. Mokuba clenched his hands on the fabric of black undershirt and shook his head. "There are a lot of things that scare me...", there was a distinct tremble in his voice. The teen felt the ambiguity in his brother's voice and he tried to sound ambigously too; Mokuba hoped the older sensed it.

"You worry too much", Kaiba said simply. He already knew in what direction the conversation was going, but he tried to avoid it, just hating so serious subjects going through his emotions. But even if Mokuba was aware of that fact, he wasn't going to make it easy for his Nii-sama.

"I won't worry, if you stop ignore me and my feelings...", the younger whispered with a little sadness in his tone, not looking at the older. It was hard for him too, he was afraid of Seto's reaction, altought from the other side pretending everything was well again sounded too ridiculous for him. They just had to have that talk to make the situation between them clear.

Kaiba sighed, nuzzling his face to Mokuba's hair. "I do not ignore you", he wasn't sure if the younger even believed him. "I just had to keep the distance between us", he said after short silence.

Mokuba didn't want to do it, but if he spent one more moment in his brother's arms, he wouldn't be able to think rationally. Seto's touch was too comforting, his closeness too soothing. The youger carefuly pushed himself away from the embrace and sat on the bed. "Why?" he asked with a reproach in his voice.

The thunderstorm got calm; now only raindrops were hitting the windows and when both brothers didn't say anything, it was the only audible noise. And at the moment there was a longer moment of silence; Seto was just staring at his little brother, biting his lower lip. Mokuba was fixing his eyes on his Nii-sama too, looking more and more impatiently because of lack of the answer. Eventually he repeated the question, adding quiet 'Nii-sama', what sounded like a soft moan.

"Come to me."

The order surprised Mokuba too much to oppose. He swallowed hard, then lay down again and Seto closed him in an embrace at once. With no words, he was cuddling the younger in the same position as one moment ago.

"Answer me...", Mokuba didn't understand his brother's behaviour. It was just strange, just not like his Nii-sama; Seto was always reserved with showing his emotions or being so tender. Besides even if it was hard, he never avoid answering. The younger Kaiba felt confused, but he wasn't about moving away any longer.

"To protect you... You already know what I'm talking about."

_Doesn't he really understand? Or he want me to say it aloud? It's so awkward, we shouldn't have this talk... I don't want to have it, just_-

"But why?" Mokuba asked an another question what interrupted Kaiba's thought. "I don't understand, Nii-sama... I want to be close to you, I need it as nothing else...", if not late hour and desperation, the raven-haired teen would never say it aloud. He was too afraid of possible response and his brohter's reaction, so he always prefered to stay quiet and not talk about his feeling toward Seto. But now it just bothered him too much to still keep it inside.

Kaiba closed his eyes. That conversation was getting too hard for him; too many emotions, too many feelings and too many attempting to being strong. "Mokuba...", he whispered his brother's name, what made the other lift his head a little to look at his Nii-sama. "Listen to me, right?" Seto started to stroke his brother's raven hair. He toyed with it lazily; always so simple actions helped him collect his thoughts. "Few years more and you will leave me", after Seto's words, Mokuba's eyes widened. He never thought about leaving his beloved Nii-sama, the idea sounded just ridiculous for him, but he didn't say anything, just listening to the older attentively. "You will settle down, you will have your own family and you will not need me anymore."

Silence fell after that sentece. Kaiba was still stroking his brother's body, altought now Mokuba felt nervousness in his movements. It wasn't comfortable situation for both brothers, but in a bit different ways; it was the first time when the older was talking aloud about his fears. From the other side, Mokuba was just shocked; he never wanted to live far away from Seto, but it wasn't everything what confused him. Since their patents' death, when they had beocme abandoned by the rest of their relatives, the Mokuba always felt that he had no family, but Seto. Gozaburo had never been the part of his family as well; he had been nothing more, but the only possible way to get a better life. Nii-sama, Nii-sama was his only family, his only love and he never wanted to change that fact. When he tried to imagine his life without his brother, there was nothing more, but sadness and emptiness in his mind. "Is it what you want...?" Mokuba whispered with audible anxiety in his voice.

Then he felt his brother's arms pulling him even closer. Seto didn't want the youger to look at him when he was near to cry and it was harder and harder to conceal, especially when his body started to tremble. It was the reason, why he didn't answer at once - beaking down and cry seemed for him too pathetic and weak. Mokuba sniffled softly and kissed the older's shoulder few times, as he requested a denial. But no matter how much he desired 'no' in a response, Kaiba's answer surprised him a lot. "It is something I'm afraid the most", Seto carefully clenched his fingers on his brother's T-shirt and hair, trying to make his voice stop shivering.

Mokuba's lips formed in silently 'Nii-sama' - a sign of his relief and pleasant; Seto's confess let him calm down. He stretched out his hand to touch the older's cheek, but Seto grabbed it and placed on his chest. Kaiba had turned his head purposely, when he had felt single teardrops in the corner of his eyes. But the teen didn't give up and lifted a little to look in his brother's blue eyes, the most beautiful eyes he ever seen. "So never let me go, Nii-sama...", Mokuba said quietly, stroking his brother's cheek by his thumb.

Kaiba glanced at the younger with a surprised look in his eyes. It wasn't something expected by him, but needed as hell. Seto sweeped some raven wisps, falling on the stormy eyes; their faces were perfectly one above the other_._ "I will not", Seto whispered, accentuated the last word. Mokuba closed his eyes and sighed, feeling his heart speeding up. He gave a small kiss on Seto's cheek and finally nuzzled his face to his brother's shoulder. "I will never let you go, Mokuba", Kaiba repeated and again closed his brother in an embrace, needing his closeness more and more.

For a longer moment they didn't say any word, just cuddling and caressing their bodies each other. Mokuba smiled to himself, feeling his brother's hands on his waist and in hair. He started to moving his fingers up and down Seto's arm, simultaneously his other arm was wrapped around the older's neck. It was a moment of comfort and peace they both needed and yearned for a long time. The last days gave them too much pain and there wasn't any other way to ease their minds as only in the other's arms.

When Seto felt Mokuba's hand on his own one, he interlaced their fingers together and put them on his chest. Mokuba found Seto's heartbiting a bit faster than usual, his chest was moving up and down heavy. But there wasn't anything strange; with so many emotions, the teen had the same. "My Nii-sama...", soft voice near to Kaiba's ear made Seto shiver little. He shifted his head to look at his brother, then he kissed his forehead.

Another kiss. Then another, and another, and another... The delicate skin, the soothing scent... He missed them so much; he missed Mokuba's touch, closeness, everything about him - he missed it the same as he yearned. He was kissing the cheeks, nose, chin, forehead, inch by inch of the prettiest face as he wanted to memorize every, even the smallest part. Eventually he could be so close to Mokuba, feel his skin, closeness... He needed Mokuba, not only yearned him, but needed. It was the first chance to feel real happiness in his whole life and he wasn't strong enough to resist the temptation any longer. There was too much suffer inside him, waiting to be soothed by the only one person.

"Nii-sama...", Mokuba seemed to be a little surprised by his brother's actions, but he was far away from objecting. It was more than he hoped for; the raven-haired didn't remember the latest time, when his Nii-sama gave him so much tenderness. In a moment he started to return the kisses, placing his free hand in Seto's dark hair and clenched his fingers in it, pulling the older's face closer to him.

Seto sighed deeply, when his mouth finally reached Mokuba's lips. The teen lifted himself to make it easier for his brother, but their hands were still interlaced on Kaiba's chest. For a longer moment they were just caressing their lips each other. It was so slowly, so innocent, they were afraid the fragile moment could break so easy. They need to get sure the kiss was something the other wanted. Eventually Seto licked his brother's lips, asking for an entrace. When Mokuba parted his mouth, their lips crushed together in such a passionate kiss. Not fast, but full of emotions - need, love, desperation. It was such an new experience for both brothers. New, but the best. Mokuba was returning every his Nii-sama's movemenet hungrily. His kisses felt like they touch more than the teen's lips, it touched every part of his body and spirit. It was like thousand words Seto couldn't say. His tounge brushed against Mokuba's and he deepened the kiss even more. Mokuba was growing breathless from way Kaiba kissed him, it was more he ever expected.

Quiet moan of dissatisfaction left the younger's mouth, when his Nii-sama moved away from him. But he closed him in a warm embrace without even the smallest space between them. They were cuddling each other again. Seto closed his eyes and nuzzled his face to his brother's soft hair, giving them some gentle kisses. Mokuba didn't wait for him saying anything. The way his brother kissed him and now was caressing him was enough.

"Stay with me tomorrow...", Mokuba whispered barely audible after long moment of silence. His lips were so close to his brother's neck; when he was speaking, his breath caress the other's skin gently. Kaiba just nodded in response. He would do everything for that little happiness in his arms, not going to Kaiba Corporation wasn't a big deal, especially when he desired more time with his brother. And if it had to look like that moment, he wanted it even more.

After a longer moment, when they were just lying together, relishing the other's closeness, Seto released his strong embrace slightly. He shifted a little to lying on his back in the most comfortable position for him. He had noticed Mokuba's yawn; the hour was already very late, the younger, in the contrast to his brother, wasn't used to stay awake for so long. "You should go to sleep, it's late", Kaiba kissed his brother's forehead, another kiss making Mokuba tremble slightly. The teen lowered and rested his head on his Nii-sama's chest; for him it was better than every pillow, especially when he felt Kaiba's heartbeating so clearly. He had no doubts, it was his favourite sound. Seto moved his hand through the younger's hair, stroking them once again; his other arm was wrapped around Mokuba's body carefully.

"Don't go anywhere until I wake up...", Mokuba whispered sleepily, then another yawn left his mouth. He didn't want to sleep yet, but fighting with need of getting some rest was meaningless; he couldn't even focus on Seto's touch, when had to force himself to not fall asleep. Finally Mokuba closed his eyes and gave his brother gently kiss on the chest through his cloth. "Sleep tight, Nii-sama... I love you so much."


	7. Mess

**At first, special thank-you for Iced Blood, who let me use the idea of Yagami as Kaiba brothers' real last name that I saw in his stories (this idea won't come in this chapter, but I put the information here just to let you know). I fell in love with that idea, because the surname reminds me of Raito/Light from 'Death Note', who, in my opinion, is very like Seto, including both appearance and character (altought it's not the reason, why Iced Blood called Mokuba and Seto that way).**

**Another big thanks for all wonderful reviews, I adore them!**

* * *

_"Staring at the bottom of your glass_

_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_

_But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

_You see him when you close your eyes_

_Maybe one day you'll understand why_

_Everything you touch surely dies"_

* * *

Seto couldn't fall asleep for a longer time. He had heard Mokuba peacefully going to sleep with his head on his Nii-sama's chest. He had heard the rain getting calm; at that moment only single raindrops from time to time hit the windows. Seto really liked that sound; every time he found the rain remarkably comforting and soothing, prefering it way too more than sunny days. It just went with personality, he always thought so. Now, closing the fragile body in his arms, he was staring over the window, bothered by too many thoughts to be able to sleep.

There was no other noise, but their, especially Mokuba's, breaths. Kaiba noticed Mokuba was breathing very deeply, sometimes mumbling something incomprehensible. Then Seto stroked his younger brother's raven hair as he would've liked to calm him down. The silky hair cascaded down the pretty face, what made the expression on it even more innocent.

The night was Kaiba's the biggest dream, altought he had never hoped he could make it come true. And when he had finally done it, he was incapable of derive satisfation from that fact. Seto was overwhelmed by too many emotions; a mixture of anxiety and remorse became too hard to handle. The pleasure that had come with their kiss was too disturbing. He knew he should've never let it happen, but even then he was still thinking about his brother's touch and taste, soft lips that was kissing him with love and need. It was probably the best moment in his whole life, a moment he wanted to go on forever. But now it was over, and he had nothing more, but anger inside him. He couldn't forgive himself he had shown the weakness again; he couldn't name in any other way the situation, when he had done something so awful to be delighted for just one moment. He regretted, and didn't regret it at the same time.

"Nii-sama...", the soft whisper threw him off contemplation. Seto looked down at Mokuba, and realized that his brother was only murmuring in his sleep. Even if there was no light in the room except the illumination from the street, Kaiba could notice Mokuba's mouth was curving into a smile. He was sleeping so peacefully; Seto was a little jealous of that clamness, 'cause Mokuba seemed to totally not worry about their immoral action. Or maybe the older Kaiba was the one who worried too much... It was an hour, when he was ready to doubt in everything.

The teen started to move his hand through his Nii-sama's body as he was searching for something. Reaching for the younger's lively hand, Seto held it into an embrace, and placed their hands on his chest, near to Mokuba's head. The younger Kaiba repeated silently 'Nii-sama', clinging to his brother even closer. "Shhh..." Kaiba couldn't help, but moved his free hand through the raven, silky hair again, stroking it gently. "Sleep", he added in a moment, altought he knew Mokuba didn't hear him.

Seto sighed. It was one of the moments, when he felt his life really sucked. He couldn't be even satisfied for a longer moment without feeling guilty. But now it was supposed to be even harder to resist than at any time before; when he finally tasted the bliss, he didn't want to lose it. Kaiba knew Mokuba would've nevet told him to stop; Seto had had to be the responsible one, who should've never let them do such a stupid thing. _Stupid, but fucking pleasant _he thought to himself. And he wasn't even sure if he wanted to turn back from the way where their relationship started to lead. Besides, he had no idea how to do it.

Just end it or continue with all damned risk? Both options had pros and cons, both weren't good enough. The first would hurt Mokuba too badly; also Seto, but the older Kaiba was accustomed to feel pain all his life. Then again... Fucking incest. Fucking memories that didn't let him be too close to anyone, even to his brother; Kaiba found it unbelievable that the only possible person he was capable of love in _that _way was his brother. Moreover no matter how much he wanted to, he could never give Mokuba what the teen deserved. They couldn't go anywhere together as a couple; holding their hands, kissing, hugging. They couldn't even tell anyone about their relationship, it would be too risky. And they would never be the real family, with children and all that happy context. It wasn't a life he wished his beloved younger brother. But he didn't want to live without him as well. Kaiba was afraid they had to have a talking about that night later, but it was something what made him scared. He hated that sort of serious talking... even if he was the reason, why not he had to carry on that conversation.

_Never let me go. _Kaiba recalled his brother's... actually what? A request? A pleading? An order? Seto sighed deeply once again; because of Mokuba's extraordinary closeness, his heart was racing unnaturally quickly. He still couldn't believe, he had his whole happiness in his arms in definietly non-brotherly way. Playing lazily with the teen's silky hair, he felt like he was the most selfish and awful man in the world. _I love you so much. _Another Mokuba's statement, the most beautiful words he had ever heard, was making a mess in his mind.

_I will not leave you anymore, Mokuba _Seto swore in his mind. It was way too easier than saying it out loud. He just hated to express his feelings and emotions by words, honestly – express at all, but with words it was even harder. He prefered just pull Mokuba closer to himself and caress his skinny body with so much love in his every motion. _I've got no idea how it is supposed to work, but I need you. I need you as hell... If I started to keep a distance between us again, it would destroy both of us, wouldn't it?_

* * *

Mokuba sat up on the bed; he only just woke up, but he felt the nervousness inside him, and he was totally sure what caused it. There wasn't Seto in the bedroom; Mokuba was afraid not only in the bedroom. "Nii-sama...", he whispered silently. He already had misgivings, nonetheless he decided to check if his brother was in any other room in the home. Mokuba refused to accept the fact that Seto could just go out, and leave him alone. It was just... impossible, not after the night. The teen really believed so.

Mokuba got out of the bed, and headed the wardrobe; at first he needed to get dressed. After the storm it got too cool, and he had cold. Honestly he didn't feel quite well. Headache tormented him and he already coughed few times, but the teen didn't care of his condition; he had something more important on his head. Putting on his jeans, he also swapped his T-shirt for a loose, black sweatshirt. He hoped to look maybe just a little better than he was feeling.

When he was done with dressing, Mokuba went downstairs. In the middle of the way, a noise of a hoover reached his ears. He sighed; it definietly wasn't the person he was searching. "Where is Nii-sama?" he asked the dark-haired woman who was vacuuming in the hallway, but he didn't get the reponse at once. She turned to face him, then switched off the machine.

"Could you repeat?" Kasumi, young woman who they hired about one year ago, asked nicely and gave him a slight smile as she had in a habit.

The teen covered his mouth by one hand, coughing. "I was asking about Nii-sama. Where is he?" Mokuba asked again, forcing his voice to stop shivering. Unnecessary question wasn't something he was in the mood of.

"He went out, when I came. Unexpectedly late, huh? Seto-sama always goes to work so early..." Mokuba nodded with a sigh. He liked the girl; she was definietly his favourite one from their few maids. They often talk, when she come to clean, and Mokuba found her company very likable. Nonetheless at that moment conversation was the last thing he fancied.

"Thanks", the teen forced himself to curve his lips into a smile. "I'm going back to my room, I don't feel quite well", he added, shrugging. The words were half-true; Mokuba just wanted to be alone with his sadness that he felt realizing Seto had left him in fact. He didn't even give the maid a chance to answer, nearly running upstairs.

_I can't believe he just ignored what I had almost begged him for... I was sure now everything would turn on to be alright again... even better than alright. Is he toying with me? Damn, it was too wonderful to be real. Fuck, Nii-sama, why are you doing that... It doesn't sound like you, but– _

_Wait, what is it?_

Mokuba, stepping it into his bedroom, noticed a strange stuff on his desk. A sheet of papers exactly, but even if he wasn't a fan of cleanliness, he would remember, if he used a stationery. The teen came closer; his heartbeating speeded up, when he realized the stationery was filled by characteristic slanting, caligraphic handwritting. With no doubts, Mokuba knew only one person, who wrote in that style. He grabbed the sheet hastily, his eyes running thorugh the text.

_Mokuba,_

_I am sorry, but I must break my promise._

_They called for me from Kaiba Corporation; those idiots cannot do anything on their own._

_When I do what is needed, I will be right back._

_One more thing; a lots happened recently, but I still remember how poorly you looked, when you went back from the school last time._

_I am not going to just leave that problem, we are going to talk about it later._

_Besides, I am not taking my words back; you do not have to go there, if it is not comfortable to you._

_Your welfare and comfort are the most important, remember about it._

His mouth shaped into silently 'Nii-sama'. He read the letter over and over, and in a moment he nearly learnt it by heart. But Mokuba just couldn't stop straying through the text another times. Seto's words were so... soothing. One moment ago he was trembling with a sorrow of being rejected, and now... no matter his Nii-sama wasn't able to stay at home all day long. Seto cared of him, it was so obvious, especially because of the last sentece. Mokuba didn't need anything else. He sat down on his bed, pulling his knees to his chin. He was still holding the letter, though he didn't read it again anymore. Instead of that, Mokuba sniffled and closed his eyes.

Seto's scent was still wafting in the air. It reminded the younger Kaiba of their shared night, and made him feel his brother's lips at his once again. It was the greatest flavor he ever tasted, and he all the time wanted more.

On the other hand... Mokuba sighed, lying down and burying his face into a pillow. It wasn't a proper kind of love, he was aware of it. He should've never fallen in love with his brother. But Mokuba wasn't even sure whether he would like to control it if he was capable of. Seto was perfect to him. Always. He had every feature that the younger Kaiba found valuable. And, what was the most important, his Nii-sama took care of him, and protected him with his best all his life.

Who told the non-brotherly love between brothers couldn't exist? It wasn't anything wrong, if they didn't hurt anyone. And he just wanted to be happy, happy with his brother. Mokuba wanted Seto to be by his side so badly. To kiss him again and dispel his fears and doubts. When his Nii-sama was with him, nothing wrong could happen. Their shared night, the kiss and now the letter made Mokuba adore the older again; he was back with his normal self, for whom Seto was ideal. He was to be near to that ideal, and if his brother couldn't stay at home, the teen, screwing the fact he was feeling really poorly, decided to visit him in the KaibaCorp.

* * *

The door was already closed. Seto had had to go somewhere, but it wasn't a problem for the teen, who, as the one and only, was allowed to have a spare key to the CEO's office. Mokuba opened the door, after which he stepped in. He wasn't in the office for a longer time, probably it was about one month or even more. Because of not clear situation between brothers, Mokuba was avoidig the building of Kaiba Corporation. But, he admitted to himself, he missed it. Seto's office was... just like Seto. Orderly, furnished in the minimalist style, and full of the scent Mokuba loved so much. No wonder since his Nii-sama spent there most part of his every day.

Mokuba headed the desk, and sat in Kaiba's comfortable chair. He always liked to spin in it, nonetheless he found himself not in the mood of that. The headache that bothered him increased, and all Mokuba wanted was only Seto back by his side to bury himself in his body. Nii-sama's closeness, touch... Mokuba closed his eyes, and rested his cheek against the top of the desk. Half-lying in that position, he didn't feel fully-comforted, but it was comfortable enough to stay like that for longer, especially when he had no force to do anything else. His only action limited to opening eyes after some long minutes, when he was only listening for any noise behind the door that would portend Seto's coming back.

Some sheets of paper were laying near to his nose. He reached for them just for passing the time; besides he always willingly helped Seto, and he was quite good with that. Not as good as his Nii-sama, but Kaiba often praised him for his work what for Mokuba meant the most. He was always ready to do everything what was needed to make his beloved older brother feel satisfied.

Not changing his position, the teen started to look the sheets round. There were lots of plans, schematic graphincs, but nothing concrete. It was hardly surprising, 'cause Seto was accustomed to use for working most of all only his computer. But the general notes were enough for the smart teen to realize, what was the subject of his brother's work. It was something he didn't expect; he was always sure that it what had happened about two years ago was too much for Seto to still go on with the idea of virtual world. Honestly it was something he had just assumed, because his brother never had talked about it, so maybe he should've not been so surprised...

He wanted to rebuild that, and change many things to improve that, right? It was everything he concluded from notes. There were also some dates... Not many, but he had had to start over one year ago.

Mokuba had no idea, why Seto hadn't asked him for help. Was it supposed to be a surprise? Or he wanted to do it on his own? No matter what guess was correct, there was no Nii-sama to found out the right answer. And he could do it later... When Nii-sama would be back.

Closing his eyes again, Mokuba put the sheets of paper aside. Suddenly, he felt even more ache in his head, back and legs as well.

_Nii-sama won't be happy, when he will see me..._

The teen coughed; he was too tired to do anything else but lying like that, so maybe taking a nap till Seto would be back wasn't a bad idea... In a moment he fell asleep. His peaceful breath was interrupted from time to time, and Mokuba was coughing in his sleep, but it didn't wake him up. The sound of opening door did it, and Mokuba smiled mentally, 'cause he knew only one person could come.

"Mokuba?" a surprised tone vibrated in Seto's voice as he stepped in into the office. He closed the door behind him, then he headed towards his brother.

The noise made the teen open his eyes. Not fully-awoken, Mokuba blinked a few times; raising his head, he noticed the older who was looking at him with a worry in his sapphire eyes. "Nii-sama...", he mumbled quietly. "I was waiting for you..." he tried to smile, but only jawn, then cough left his lips.

Seto sighed, crossing his arms on his chest. "I see." He sat down on the corner on his desk, still staring at the younger, not sure about his condition. The blue eyes widened, when Mokuba lowered himself again, and nuzzled his cheek to Kaiba's tigh, closing his eyes. Seto found it awkward, and had no idea how to react. On the one hand his fingers desired go through the raven hair and again feel how silky it was, but it definietly wasn't a proper place for that sort of things. Kaiba was just watching his brother, confused by his behaviour.

"I have no idea, why you hadn't told me about it...", Mokuba said quietly, what at first Kaiba found as just pointless patter caused by oversleeping. But in a moment he narrowed his blue eyes, bitting his bottom lip. Seto noticed the sheets of paper his brother was holding in one of his hands and the other ones which were scattered on the desk. A shiver went down his spine. He just hated, when someone touched his stuffs; it didn't have to be a kind of secret or something like that, Kaiba was just obsessed about privacy. Seto forced himself to not be angry at his little brother, especially because something was wrong with him. Afraid of saying too much, he just stayed in silence, motionless.

"Nii-sama", Kaiba clenched his fingers on the edge of the desk, when Mokuba shifted a little to slid himself deeper onto the older's lap. "Why haven't you told me you want to rebulid the virtual world? I could do that... I would do everything to help you... always... with everything." They both knew he didn't mean only work. The teen turned again; that time he rested the back of his head against Seto just to look into his eyes.

Mokuba got no answer. It wasn't something Kaiba could explain out loud; he knew Mokuba would do everything for him and dealing with some technologic issues wasn't a big deal for the teen, who helped him already lots of times. It was a kind of shame for Seto. Admitting that he wasn't strong enough to finally give up with the idea of virtual world, equaled saying that he was still very weak and pathetic, and the world he could create whatever he only wanted to was his only springboard to the paniful reality. The idea had come to his mind after a few months in Gozaburo's home. The unbearable tiredness, being horribly alone with his pain, and, the most awful spot on the list, being abused in probably every possible way took root in his mind that he hadn't matched anywhere. Seto hated people and world around him; escaping to the virtual reality had seemed so inviting, especially because it was something he could create from beggining to end. It was his own idea. Something he invited on his own, but later it become another thing Gozaburo took away from him, after his childhood, self-esteem and any chance to be happy. This one would be too much. Running away from painful memories, escaping to the virtuality seemed like something only for pathetic people who weren't strong enough to face up their lives, no matter how much painful. Mokuba looking at his Nii-sama as at someone weak was the last thing Seto wanted.

Kaiba shrugged, turning his gaze from his brother, and fixed his eyes on a window. "You fell asleep on my desk", Seto said slowly. Changing the subject wasn't the only reason, why he mentioned it; he was just worrying of his little brother, seeing him not quite well. "Are you feeling ill?" Mokuba parted his mouth to answer, but his brother didn't give him any chance to say anything. Kaiba sweeped some raven wisps falling down on the teen's forehead and placed his hand on in. Feeling a warm skin under his fingertips, Seto hissed. "You are", he lowered his voice, replying instead of the other.

The teen shook his head. Coughing, he raised himself, and Seto found a little relief in fact that his brother wasn't pressing his lap any longer, though his Mokuba's condition still worried him. "I'm okay, Nii-sama", the younger forced himself to smile slightly. "Maybe I'm just tired..."

"It's the reason why your forehead is hot as hell, and your eyes are shining?" Kaiba asked rethorically. He stood up and offered his brother a hand to help him stand up as well. It was hard to admit for Mokuba, but he would have problem with that simple action if not his Nii-sama's help. He squeezed Seto's fingers, and slowly pushed himself to a standing position. "I'm taking you home." Even if Seto didn't sound too tender, Mokuba was moved by his concern. Feeling bad had one, very imporant and pleasant merit – it included Seto taking care of him.

"Don't you have to work?" Mokuba asked tentatively, and sighed mentally with a sadness, when Seto released his hand. His touch was very comforting.

"Never doubt what's more important to me", the teen's stormy eyes widened; that sounded really seriously, even though Seto said it not looking at him. Kaiba put on his white coat, then headed the door. He waited until Mokuba followed him to lock the door behind them.

They used the elevator to get to the ground floor. Mokuba leaned his back against the wall, and, once again, coughed. Seto tried to hide it, but he hissed with discontent every time his brother did it. "It's strange...", Mokuba nearly whispered, with one hand still on his mouth. "Yesterday I was totally fine..."

Kaiba crossed his arms. "So now it's more than just tiredeness?" he bitingly asked in a response; little annoyance played inside him since Mokuba had bothered himself with getting to Kaiba Corporation instead just staying in bed, if he wasn't well. He couldn't understand that sort of such an irresponsible actions.

When the elevator reached the destination, Seto got out as first. Mokuba followed him, then turned to head the way out, but Seto's voice forced him to stop, "Wait a moment." The teen wanted to ask why, but before he even opened his mouth, Kaiba left him, and went to one of his employees that was standing across the vast hall, talking to any other person. Mokuba recognized her as his brother's secretary, not working there for a long time yet. He came up a little, watching them from a distant, but he still wasn't able to hear every word, just single ones reached his ears – 'leaving', 'but', 'meeting', 'cancel', 'order'; Mokuba didn't need more, he already knew what the conversation was about, and it gladdened him more than should've. And, the teen didn't care whether it was strange, in his opinion growling at people made his Nii-sama even more masculine and attractive.

"Thank you", Mokuba said with a grin, when Seto came back to him. When they were walking towards their car, the younger Kaiba all the time few steps behind the other, the teen was attentively watching his brother. Unimaginable, how many Seto's features just made Mokuba lose his mind. He couldn't take his eyes off the slowly, majestatic gait; he loved totally everything in his Nii-sama, and after last night that feeling only heightened.

When they finally got into the car, Mokuba based his feet on the seat. Seto rolled his eyes, but didn't comment; even if he was crazy about cleanliness, he always turned a blind eye to more than usual when Mokuba was ill.

"Do you want to listen to something?" Kaiba asked, seeing out of the corner to his eye than Mokuba reached for his cd albums.

The teen shook his head, still looking the albums round. "I'm just checking your recent mood." Seto rolled his eyes again; Mokuba knew him too well. "After listening to any album, you always put in on the left", he explained, altought Kaiba already knew what was the point.

"I know", he said simply. "But I'm not sure if you really want to check my recent mood", he added, before he bit his tongue. They both knew too well what it was about.

Mokuba sniffled, and hung his head. "I'm sorry, I–"

"Don't", Kaiba interrupted him quickly; starting that conversation again was damn pointless. "Turn on whatever you like", he added, when he realized his first statement sounded too cool, and to just change the subject. With no reply said out loud, silence fell between them, and only soft soud of shuffled albums was audible. Finally Mokuba chose one of them, and in a moment _How to save a life _by the Fray rang out in the ferrari. The teen skipped a few songs to the one with the same title as the album. Mokuba burried his head between his legs, coughed from time to time.

When Seto stopped the car at the traffic lights, he reached his hand for Mokuba's forehead to check if the fever changed. "Damn, Mokuba...", Kaiba cursed under his breath; it was still too warm. "You should've not gone anywhere, if you didn't feel well."

"I just wanted to see you...", Mokuba moaned, burrying his head again, but that position became uncomfortable very quickly, so the teen leaned his cheeck against the chilly window.

"Do not be riddiculous. I left you a note that I'll be back as fast as possible." Seto would've never admitted that he also wanted to see Mokuba; it equaled saying that the younger was right, and coming to the Kaiba Corporation in his poor condition was something more than just such a irresponsible behaviour.

Mokuba sighed deeply, "Yup... It was very cute, Nii-sama." Kaiba narrowed his sapphire eyes, and bit his bottom lip. He was cute? He never thought about himself as a cute person, including all his actions. Seto parted his mouth to reply, but his brother kept talking. "Especially because when I woke up, I didn't notice your letter at once... and I was very scared you'd left me."

"I didn't mean to be cute. I just needed to inform you, and it was the best way." Answering, Kaiba ignored the part of Mokuba's utterance that moved him the most. It wasn't pleasant to hear that Mokuba had thought that his brother could just leave him after that night, but he realized the teen had a right to do it after all Seto's keeping-on-distance actions.

Involuntarily Mokuba's lips formed into a smile. "You're so cute, when you try to convince me that you're not", he laughed for a short time, then another cough left his lips.

Normally it would piss Kaiba off, if anyone talked to him like Mokuba was doing now, but there was something in his brother's mocking what made an annoyance in Seto's voice fake. "Don't make yourself being in trouble, when you have to spend the rest of the day with me." Unexpectedly he found their brotherly teasing very enjoyable. It was something they both needed after some hard days, when the atmosphere between them was unbearable.

"Trouble, huh? Are you going to punish me for saying the true about you being cute?"

Mokuba couldn't know what effect his words would produce. Too many memories Seto would've never wanted to remember came to his mind, bothering him awfully. It was only one word, but associations were too hard to endure. Kaiba froze, harder clenching his hands on the steering wheel. "No", he nearly whispered, forcing his voice to not shiver. "Never anything like that." Focusing on driving, he was pretending to not see the stormy eyes that widened, wondering why Nii-sama's behaviour changed so suddenly.


	8. Fragmented with the past

_"How can you see into my eyes like open doors_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb without a soul_

_My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Wake me up, wake me up inside_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Bid my blood to run before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become"_

* * *

Seto was standing beside Mokuba's bed, his arms crossed on his chest. The sapphire eyes were watching the teen carefully, while he was swallowing two pills that his Nii-sama had brought him. It was hard for Seto to hide the worry from his eyes since he had seen how bad his brother had beed feeling. After returning home, the older Kaiba at once had ordered the other to go the bed, and Mokuba had followed it without complaining. He had changed his loose sweatshirt for oversized red T-shirt, and took off his pants. When he finally had lain down in his bed, Seto had wrapped him with a warm quilt and two extra coverlets. Even if the teen's eyes were still shining because of the high fever, he couldn't be too upset; being ill equaled being all the time in Nii-sama's care.

"It's really tasty", Mokuba looked up at Seto from the edge of the big blue mug. He took another mouthful of hot tea with a slice of a lemon and some raspberry jelly, after which he put it aside, and returned his gaze at the older. "I don't remember last time, when you prepared something for me."

"Mhm", quiet mutter left Kaiba's lips. "It's not a big deal." Seto sounded like his normal self; monotonously and emotionlessly, but inside he was glad that there wasn't any reproach in his brother voice. He already rebuked himself enough times for not caring about Mokuba in the proper way recently. Seto bent down to sweep the raven bangs away, then he put his hand on the sweaty forehead, checking if the fever was already even only a little lower.

The teen rasied his eyebrows slightly, "Are you conscious that doing it every five minutes won't make it faster? But, you know, of course I don't mind...", Mokuba added quickly the second sentence; he didn't want Seto to think that he didn't like him being overprotective.

Kaiba didn't answer, but straightened up, and crossed his arms again. "In a moment medicines will work, and you will feel better." Mokuba nodded in a response, and reached for the mug. "I hope you are aware, if you aren't well tomorrow, I'll take you to a doctor." The statement made the teen whimp discontently, but he knew that protest would've been pointless. When it went to his health, Seto was even more relentless than usually. "And now go to sleep, you need rest." Seto turned around to go out, but then relonged 'Nii-sama' brought him to a stop.

Mokuba got an interrogative look from his brother, nonetheless he didn't answet at once. He took a few gulps, holding the mug in his hands; it was warming them up. "What are you going to do?" he asked after a short while of silence. "Leave it, and stay with me..."

"Mokuba...", there was a tune of impatience in Seto's voice. "I still have some work needed to be done diligently." When was the last time, when he didn't work all day long? It was so obvious that he didn't undestand the point of asking what he was going to do. The teen sniffled sadly, previously pulling his knees up to his chin. The expression of obvious dissapointment came to his face; he really wanted to spend more time with his beloved older brother. No matter if he would've been sleeping, he just wanted to have Seto around. Kaiba sighed deeply; in spite of all looking at discontent Mokuba was just unbearable for him, something hard to stand. So when he spoke again, there was no annoyance in his voice any longer. "It is sensless if you want me to stay here to just watch your sleep", _yeah, 'cause it wasn't something I was doing for almost all last night, was it? _"Just come to me, when you wake up, alright?"

Maybe it wasn't what he had expected, but finally Mokuba agreed to the compromise. "Alright, Nii-sama... But then will you have a time for me?"

"I will", Seto didn't like to repeat, but for his younger sibling he always had additional deposit of understanding.

"And will you embrace me?"

That question surprised Seto, what was visible in his blue eyes which widened with an astonishment. Mokuba never asked for that sort of thing; when he wanted to be hugged, he just came to his Nii-sama, wrapping his arms around the thin waist, and clinging to Seto with all his force. _Does he think that anything has changed? _Seto wasn't going to say it out loud, the same as ihe wasn't going to answer. "Go to sleep", involuntary, typical for the older Kaiba note of the irritation played in his voice.

A sigh of dissatisfaction escaped from Mokuba's mouth, and he rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay...", he mumbled,forcing himself to not say anything that could make his brother more testy. With two another mouthfuls, Mokuba finished his tea, and put the empty mug away on the nightstand. He curled up cosily, wrapping himself by thick layer of covers; now Seto could see only the top of the raven head. Kaiba headed the way out, but he stopped in the doorway. He turned around for a moment, just to take a look at the small form in the bed. Mokuba's body was moving up and down slightly under the deep breath. No matter what he had been talking before, he really wanted to join his younger brother, it was next time, when he needed and desired it desperately. But he had to learn how to resist the temptation.

When Seto reached his bedroom, at first he took off his sleeveless white coat, and hung up into a wardrobe amongst the others, not used so often. Recently, when he spent even more time working, he was not only tired, but exhausted. Sometimes he got the impression that years ago his life had turned into a roller coaster; racing with the fastest speed, impossible to stop, because it would've caused a disaster. Sometimes he felt that all his life was leading to just a distaster. Those thoughts were too obnoxious, and Kaiba tried to throw them out of his head every time they started to bother him. Focusing on them was senseless, especially when he couldn't change the state of affairs anyway.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Seto crossed his legs, whereupon he pulled his cell phone out of the pocket of his black pants. Thanks to his extraordinary technological skills, he had been able to create and implement not only a phone, but also an original operating system, compatibile with the systems of Kaiba Corporation which let him have access to them 24/7. Since he had invented it, his cell phone became one of his two main tools. Usually he used it as a remote when his laptop wasn't around, or separately for less complicated work, altought it didn't mean easy ones. Kaiba looked through the things needed to be done, and a sigh full of resignation left his mouth.

* * *

Mokuba had woken up a few times until he finally opened his eyes. Every time he just had shifted a little, lying on his stomach, or sideways, and had fallen into a deep sleep again. He needed it much more than he had supposed. Not only because while he had been sleeping, his fever lowered to a tolerable degrees, and a sore that bothered his almost every muscle disappeared; when he woke up in the evening, a strange, in such a pleasantly way, peace filled him from inside, making him contented. He brushed away some wet wisps from his eyes, and eyed up whole bedroom. Taking a nap during the daytime, always gave him some problems with determine what time was it, and what was going around later. The teen didn't wait for being fully awoken, but drew back the pile of covers, that now warmed him too much, and got out of the bed.

When he was just few meters from his brother's bedroom, an odd melody reached his ears. Melancholic tunes of chime-like keys and mesmerizing bells were beautiful, but disturbing and creepy at the same time. Also creepy was the fact that Seto was listening something like that. Mokuba was accustomed that his Nii-sama always chose songs which fitted to his mood. Being glad, the younger Kaiba doubted whether the other would've listened that sort of music. The teen opened the door quietly, then stepped in. Hearing it, Seto raised his head, to look towards the door. Mokuba realized that he had to sleep as well; his hair was in a little mess, falling down at blue eyes, and he looked quite sleepy. "What's that?" the teen asked, closing the door behind him.

"What's what?" Seto's hand went through his dark hair, combing them by fingers. Mokuba forced himself to not say aloud, how cute his Nii-sama looked at that moment.

"That melody", Mokuba pointed the direction where from the sound was coming.

Kaiba didn't answer at once. With his typical slolwy gait, he went towards Mokuba, and placed his hand on the teen's forehead. "It is the main theme from _The Elephant Man_. Recently I've recorded an album with my favourite soundtracks", he explained emotionlessly, checking the fever. Seto scrutinized his little brother as he was looking for any sign that something was wrong, but luckily Mokuba seemed to feel much better than a few hours ago. "You are feeling better, aren't u?" a relief played in Kaiba's voice.

"Much better." Even if Seto was as cool as usual, the teen was still very glad with his brother's care. "I don't recognize it... Have we watched it?"

"You haven't." When they started to keep two subjects simultaneously, each brother seemed to be more interested in a different one. Seto looked down at Mokuba's wet cloth. "I see... The fever has already fallen. But change your T-shirt, it's all swaety."

Mokuba nodded in a response, but he gave his brother a pleading gaze. "Could you let me one of yours? I don't want to go to my bedroom, then again here...", his lips curved into a smile, when Seto headed the wardrobe without objecting. Normally he would haven't let his little brother be so lazy, but when Mokuba was ill, his Nii-sama was always more understanding for him. "Why?" there was a tune of curious in the younger Kaiba's voice. "I was sure we always watch movies together."

In fact, Seto never had much time for different activites than ones having something in common with dueling, or Kaiba Corporation. But when finally had a day off, or even some hours, he always spent them at home with his beloved brother, and watching films was one of their favourite way of spending time together. Besides, Kaiba also liked to read, though he did it usually when Mokuba was already asleep. For someone as overworked as he was, Seto got the impression that he is exceedingly well-read, especially when he compared himself to the others. "Not when they are not for someone at your age", Seto answered, scrabbling his clothers around for something suitable. T-shirt wasn't an important part of his clothes, and even if they were tight, the older Kaiba was taller than the other, besides a little muscular, in contrast to Mokuba who was just skinny. It made Seto's clothes be not a quite good fit, but definitely too loose.

Raising his eyebrows, Mokuba forced himself to not laugh. "Not someone at my age, huh?" he grabbed a T-shirt Seto tossed him. "Are you aware how ambigouosly it sounds, Nii-sama?" the teen asked with a smirk, simultaneously taking off his sweat item of clothing.

Seto hissed with an annoyance; for him it wasn't funny at all. He didn't like that undertone, nonetheless it was so pleasant to look at his younger brother grinning. As pleasent as it was the view of Mokuba's bare chest. Kaiba didn't remember the last time, when he'd seen it uncovered. Without any doubts even if lately the teen's character didn't change a lot, his body became more masculine what Seto found very inviting. From time to time he felt a repulsion to himself for looking at his brother in that disturbing way, but it wasn't something he could deal with. Kaiba forced himself to turned around, whereupon he headed the huge bed and sat down on the edge of it. He ran away with his sight which he placed behind a window, where the sun already almost all disappeared from the horizon. "I watched it two years ago", he finally decided to answer the question, even if both of them sounded rhetorically. "It is sad as hell, and includes too much heavy content to be proper for you then."

Seto didn't realize, when Mokuba had come so closer, but when the teen spoke again, he was standing in front of his Nii-sama. "So now could we watch it together? I really, really want to spend more time with you, Nii-sama...". Kaiba couldn't focus on his brother's words, when Mokuba was still half-naked. He had no idea whether the teen was doing it on purpose, but watching him like that was as a kind of a torture... torture wonderful in such a destroying way.

"Dress up." Hearing the quit order, Mokuba couldn't help, but followed it without complaining, even if he rolled his eyes with discontent. He put on the black T-shirt, and until Seto could react, slid down onto the bed. Kaiba wasn't about to oppose; he knew it had been supposed to end that way from the beggining. He was glad that even if Mokuba didn't feel quite well, such a happy mood didn't leave him, and it was obvious that the last night was the reason of it. So when he heard quietly, full of confusion 'Nii-sama', surprised Kaiba turned his head to look at Mokuba, and ask what was wrong, but then he found out, what was the reason of that sudden change in his voice.

Mokuba wasn't laying any longer, but pushed himself to a sitting position, pulling his knees a little up. His big stormy eyes got widen, bottom lip was trembling. There was a reason of his quivering in his hands, a photo he had noticed near to a pillow, and now was squeezing in his shivering fingers. The rest of photographies were laying around, but only the empty side of them was visible. Mokuba didn't have to turn them over, he already knew, what they presented. All of them were brothers' family photographies, the only ones the teen had even seen, and the only, if Seto didn't hide anything else, reminders of their parents. After all years while the picture of his mom and dad blurred into Mokuba's mind, he could finally recall their appearance. But he had no idea, why they were just laying on his brother's bed, and why he had never seen them before. He also had no idea, how to feel about it. "Why..." Mokuba tried to stop the uncontrolled tremble in his voice, but it was too hard. "Why have you never shown me them before? Damn, Nii-sama! What's that supposed to mean?" for a moment he was staring at his brother, waiting for an answer, but when he didn't get it, Mokuba looked down at the photo again. A woman who was looking at him from the photography was smiling slightly. She had very long raven hair and big sapphire eyes that Mokuba already knew very well. He sighed, moving his sight to a man sitting next to his mother. His hair had the same colour as Seto's, but their cut was short. He seemed to be a few years older than his wife. A sigh left the teen's mouth, when he looked at the third and the last person in the photo. A baby, not older than just one year, was held by his father. Mokuba couldn't believe that he was seeing his younger version; it stirred up such different emotions in him.

It was always the view that made Seto break up inside. The reproach in his brother's voice, the sorrow on his face... Kaiba could endure really much, probably more than most of the people, but looking at Mokuba like that was just too much. The expression of hurt on his face was something he never wanted to see. That was too hard, especially when even one day didn't pass since they had reconciled after some heavy days. He wanted to fix the situation until it didn't get worse yet, but he was aware that telling the truth would've not helped. "It is... it was supposed to be your birthday gift", he admitted sincerely. Haning his head, his both hands moved through the dark hair.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Mokuba nearly shouted, but when he noticed that Seto froze after his words, he realized it was too much. "I can't understand how you could hide them from me...", Mokuba's voice calmed down a little, but he was still angry at his older sibling. Kaiba never wanted to hear Mokuba speaking with him like that. Not because shouting at him by his brother wounded his pride, but it hurt in unbearable, destroying way. No matter how many awful things Seto already experienced, the pain caused by Mokuba was the worst. With no idea what to say, he decided to keep silence, but then came another scream. "Nii-sama!", the tone of irritation filled the teen's voice, because next time he was feeling as Seto was ignoring him.

"It's not like that... It was not a hiding" soft, quiet voice of his Nii-sama made Mokuba get a little calm; the sound of his words was disturbing in a hard to describe way. "Don't you remember how sad you always were in the orphanage? How much you wanted to be back at home? How you were crying into my shoulder that you wanted to come back to our parents? I still remember it very well, and I never wanted to give you more suffering. Those photographies would bring the feelings, and there is no other feeling than only pain they could cause." Mokuba couldn't be any longer angry at Seto. After his words he realized that his brother was the only important person in his life, the only one he loved, and was loved by. He didn't want to have a fight with him anymore, honeslty his Nii-sama's words made him want just to hug him. Mokuba pulled the photo out of his hands; it fell down onto a cover. The teen made a move towards his brother, and wanted to say something, but then Seto opened his mouth again. "All your life I just wanted to protect you. But now... You aren't a child anymore, are you? So I wanted to give them to you, I believed would a good time to do it."

"You are right, Nii-sama", Mokuba placed his hand on his brother's shoulder as he wanted to say by that action that everything was alright again. Seto stirred from the unexpected touch, but he didn't get his body out of the teen's reach. "I'm not a child anymore. And you've got such an odd definition of protection, you know?" Kaiba turned to face his brother; he saw a slight smile on Mokuba's face, but he couldn't force himself to return is. Instead of it, he nodded in response. They both knew how overprotective he could be, but they also knew what was the reason of that. "Could I get my birthday gift now?" Mokuba asked, now waiting for an answer for his earlier statement. "I would love to watch them together..."

"Of course", Seto could never refuse. He get onto a bed, and settled himself in a half-sitting poisition, leaning his back agasit the headrest. He could expect that the fragile, skinny body in a moment would be by his side. Mokuba sat down between his Nii-sama's legs, resting his back against his chest. Seto's black turtleneck was very warm and comfortable, and Mokuba nuzzled his cheek to a soft fabric. The teen mumbled something which Seto couldn't recognize well, but it sounded similiar to 'the best'. That sort of closeness wasn't quite comfortble for the older Kaiba, though he didn't have heart to reject him, and just pull away. Once again Seto touched Mokuba's forehead to check whether his brother's had a fever; he hissed, feeling that it started to grow. He reached for a white, warm blanket, and wrapped it around the other. Kaiba grabbed the rest of the photographies that were scattered near to the pillow. There weren't many of them, just a few, but they meant really much for him, and every time he viewed them it caused very heavy emotions. "Do you recognize?" the quiet whisper next to Mokuba's ear, the photo which Seto showed him – it made the teen sigh deeply. There was a newborn in the photograph; little baby covered by some white sheets that only small part of face and raven hair were visible. He looked very peaceful, but his face was a little red, probably because of earlier cry. "It's your first photo", Kaiba explained with a tender in his voice he never wanted to be there, but it wasn't something depened upon him. "Dad took it, when they finally could take you from an incubator." When Mokuba was staring at his younger version, Seto started to look for another photo. "Look... There's also it." Kaiba gave him the photograph. The same raven-haired baby was in it, but now he was held by the young woman who Mokuba had seen just one moment ago. She seemed to be tired, shehad cirles under her eyes and sunken cheeks, but there was a glint of happiness in her blue eyes. "I've told you that you were born almost two months ago, do you remember? Then I didn't understand much, but now I know, how hard time it was for them."

Mokuba noddes slowly, couldn't take his eyes off his mother. "I see...", he said barely audible. "But she was still very beautiful." There was a sound of the sadness in his voice; he never wanted to be a reason of worry to anyone. He realized that the melody had changed; now it was the lullaby from _The Pan's Labyrinth. _The music and the film he knew, and adored, but it was another melancholic sound.

"Damn right...", Seto carefully took the photographies from Mokuba's hands, and replaced them with another one. That time it was photo of their parents only. It was seemed to be older, black and white, a little creased; because of that it was hard to see every detail. "You are very similiar to her. The older you are, the better it's visible." Mokuba never had a perfect sight; in the room that was getting dark, with such fuzzy photography, it was hard for him to take a closer look. Seto noticed his brother's narrowed eyes, and forced himself to not smile slightly. "You both have the same delicate beauty, the shape of small nose and mouth. Of eyes as well, just with different colours."

It was much easier to see, when Seto was explaining everything. "So... If I am looking like mom, you look like dad?" It was obvious for him that if he was like one parent, Seto was similar to the other, especially with the same colour of hair.

"No. It means... I don't know." Seto shook his head what surprised Mokuba. Seeing the intrugued look in his brother's eyes, Kaiba answered for unasked question before the younger even parted his lips. "I always thought that I've got bit by bit from both parents. Maybe I can't see lots of resemblance to dad, because of his very short hair and facial hair, but he still has really heavy features..." Seto broke off, and shrugged. There wasn't any sense for him in going on with the subject. He took the photo from his little brother's hands, and put it away onto a pile of photographies they had viewed already.

"Nii-sama?" Mokuba turned his head to look at the other.

"Hm?" Seto murmured, trying to ignore the fact that in that position the younger Kaiba's lips were almost brushing against the older's cheek.

"I would love to take a look at a photo which includes you...", the quiet request formed into a soft whimper. Another moan escaped from Mokuba's mouth, when Seto showed him the photo he had asked for. There was a mixture of delight and tenderness in his voice. Not older than only five years old boy was laying on a huge bed with his cheek nuzzled to his pregnant mother's stomach, the woman from the earlier photographs. Some dark wisps were falling down onto sapphire eyes; the hair, long to the nape, hadn't changed a lot for dozen years. Mokuba sighed deeply, realizing that the same as the child was such like Seto, they both were totally different. The boy was wearing colourful T-shirt and shorts. Those loose clother didn't fit to his Nii-sama who avoided colourful clothes and hardly showed any part of his body except the face and hands. Besides there was a grin on the boy's face, and his happiness was obvious. It was something Mokuba hadn't been seeing since they had become adopted, and seeing the photo made him aware of missing that smile even more than he expected. "I miss your smile so much...", the teen whispered, rubbing his cheek against Seto's collarbone through the fabric of his cloth. "I've never seen more beautiful one."

It wasn't comfortable for Seto. He already knew that his character had changed a lot during last ten years. He doubt if he could be once again the person that was staring at them from the photo, he experienced too many traumatic things that still bothered him and he doubt they would ever stop. But he couldn't blame Mokuba for his words; the teen had no idea, why his Nii-sama wasn't that boy anymore. He wasn't supposed to get to know at any time. Kaiba stayed in silence, he just sighed into raven hair.

"I would like to do something... anything... just to make you happy."

"Mokuba..." a note of impatience played in Seto's voice. "Enough", he added, noticing that Mokuba tried to add something. Mokuba's lips shaped into silently 'Nii-sama', but he was far away from opposing. Even if cared about his older brother, he didn't want to force him to anything. He had no other idea what to do, so he just put the photography aside, and turned around to face Kaiba, whereupon he wrapped his arms around his Nii-sama's body very tightly; maybe it was selfish, but he really believed that his embrace could soothe the other, giving him some comfort. At the beggining Mokuba's action stayed unreturned, but after a longer while the teen felt a hand moving through his hair, then another, gently moving up and down his back. A slight sigh of relief left his lips as he pulled himself even closer to his brother. Kaiba hoped that Mokuba didn't notice how fast his heart was racing, when he was around so close. Sometimes Seto hated himself for derive so much satisfaction from having that fragile body in his arms. He didn't even try to pretend it was clear brotherly feeling, that borderline had become crossed many time ago. Now it was deeper and devastating at the same time. He just loved to inhale Mokuba's delicate scent, burying face in his silky hair, stroking it affectionately. Seto was still bothered by so many remorses, nonetheless that closeness was the only one thing that could bring him an ersatz for happiness.

"Nii-sama?" Kaiba loosened his grip, when Mokuba rised his head to look up into his brother's sapphire eyes. "You miss them, right?"

Seto narrowed his eyes, and irritation came to his voice, "It's such a silly question, Mokuba."

It wasn't a nice response, but the teen ignored it. "I know you do, Nii-sama. But... You were afraid that looking at those photos could hurt me. Then – probably. But after so many years I heavy remember them. I just happy that I can see them again, recall something about them. You are the one who spent more time with out parents, and I think that memories are painful mostly for you..." Kaiba wasn't holding his brother any longer; he fisted his hand on the sheet, and turned his gaze from Mokuba. It was another time, when his brother brought up a subject Seto didn't even want to thing about, not to mention speaking. "I'm aware you just want to spare me suffering", Kaiba didn't expect that his younger brother could be such tencious. Mokuba put his both hands on his Nii-sama's cheeks, so Seto just had to look at the other. With every another word of touch Mokuba's behaviour was more and more unbearable, and Kaiba was surprised that his younger sibling didn't realize yet how much he was vexatious. "I know you want to protect me, but maybe just one time you should let me help you?"

"What's wrong with you today?" Mokuba didn't expect that his caring could make his Nii-sama so furious. There was much more annoyance in Seto's voice than the older Kaiba had meant to put in it. "I do not need any damned help."

Before Mokuba could react, Seto pulled himself away from the teen, and sat down on the edge of the bed; now they were separated by distinct distance. Resting his elbows on his knees, Kaiba bent down a little, and closed his eyes. The younger pulled his knees to his chin, wrapping his arms around them. When he lowered his gaze, it settled on the last photography he had watched. He would've give really much to get back his smiled, cheerful Nii-sama. "Do you want me to go out?" Mokuba sniffled; just one moment ago, when he was in his brother's warm embrace, everything was just perfect. He didn't want to be away of him; even if there weren't more than two meters between them, it was still too much for the teen.

A longer silence fell between them. Seto started to play with the fabric of one of his sleeves. He didn't want to talk, but he knew that in other case Mokuba would leave him, being sure that his Nii-sama didn't want him there. "No", he finally whispered. "Do not even try to go out." He wanted Mokuba to stay so badly. He just desired his closeness; without any question, talking. It was unnecesary. Pointless. Seto wanted to soothe himself with his brother, and he wanted Mokuba to still look at him as his powerful Nii-sama who wasn't weak, who never fear. Who could endure everything, never bothered by anything. Besides talking, opening up was too hard. Ordering was much easier. He was accustomed to giving orders and people following them, so what would've been the sense of asking for anything? Seto definitely prefered first option. It always wokred... and he had no idea how much it was supposed to work that time. One moment he felt a gently touch on his both shoulders, and the soft body slipped onto his knees in such an agile way.

"I'm sorry...", Mokuba whispered softly to his brother's ear, wrapping his arms around Seto's neck. Kaiba's hands clenched on Mokuba's T-shirt and in his hair. It was something he needed the most. What they both needed. Stroking gently the raven wisps, Seto started to rock his little brother carefully.


	9. Like I'm not made of stone

**It was a while since the last update, wasn't it?**** It's caused by my need of making this story as perfect as possible with my writing skills, and put into every chapter all emotions I mean; something what isn't always very easy. I hope it's worth waiting.**

**Besides, I'm flattered with all of you who still read the story. ****Feel free and welcomed to leave me any keepsake of your presence, guys.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_"And with words unspoken_

_A silent devotion_

_I know you know what I mean_

_And the end is unknown_

_But I think I'm ready_

_As long as you're with me_

_Being as in love with you as I am_

_Being as in love with you as I am_

_Being as in love, love, love"_

* * *

He bent down to look at a sleeping sideways man; his eyes were closed, and some dark wisps were falling on them. Mokuba swept them gently, watching his brother carefully. Sitting on the edge of a bed, staring at Seto's face which seemed to be exceptionally peaceful, there was only one thought in his mind, one that were burning him from inside; how much he desired to taste those slightly parted lips. _Nii-sama _Mokuba did not dare to say it out loud. Kaiba was always a light sleeper, and the cirles under his eyes were too dark and extensive; he just could not let himself be so selfish taking a risk of waking Seto up. Though, there was no force capable of making him throw all those thoughts off of his head; they were crowding in on him just too much, too chaotically. No matter how loudly and clearly they were screaming, they would have been never capable of reaching the older Kaiba's ears. _My Nii-sama... You are really exhausted, aren't you...? We collapsed, and in a moment you were already sleeping... You must need this, a longer while of relax. Today you's seemed to be so distressed... __In moments like that__ I want to take care of you as you always do of me. I w__ould like you to never be sad again, make you as happy as I'm thanks to you... But, Nii-sama... Sometimes I'm so afraid you forgot how to be happy..._

Mokuba's thoughts run to moments when Seto, had coming back from Kaiba Corporation, instead of taking some rest, had went upstairs through his office to sat at the desk, still wanting to improve, fix, or change something else. He had been resting his elbow against the wooden atop, all the time massaging his temple, throbbing in such a painful way. Every time whilst something had gone wrong, Seto had winced; it had meant another one or two hours of labouring in front of the screen; his sapphire eyes had got irritated, but Seto had never complained; certainly not aloud. There had been also evenings, when Kaiba had gone to their living room, where he had sat down in his favourite black chair, crossing his legs; he could have spent in that position a good hour totally motionlessly.

_"What are you doing, Nii-sama?"_

_"Nothing, Mokuba. Finally just nothing."_

Seto's fingers had clenched on his long fridge; with his eyes closed, he had hidden his face into his palm. A quit sigh had left his mouth, and Mokuba had hated himself that he had not been able to do anything else, but leave his brother alone with his sorrow; there always had been a melancholy piercing his soul, even if the teen had known that Seto had prefered to stay without any company, including Mokuba's. But from time to time the younger Kaiba had seen as his Nii-sama's hand had got fisted on his knee, creasing the fabric of his pants, and his shoulders had been trembling alarmingly. Then Mokuba just could not go out; he had placed himself on the one of the armrests, nuzzling his cheek against Seto's hair. In the dark, Mokuba had been stroking his brother's hand till the older had released it, and the teen had been able to close it in a warm embrace. After a longer time of silence, Kaiba had stood up without any word, and pulled himself away of Mokuba's touch, whereupon he had disappeared behind the door. It had never made Mokuba hurt; he had got used to that sort of behaviours since Seto had stopped to show his emotions. He had had to learn that his brother's action, even the most simply, had told more than his mouth could ever have. The moments of being together meant the world to him.

Mokuba reached for a white blanket which had been wrapped around him before, and covered Seto with the soft textile; Kaiba stirred uncalmly, but in a moment he inserted the coverlet onto his shoulder. The teen drew the courtains, then switched off the lights. Going back to the bed, Mokuba lay down behind Seto, facing his back. Familiar cold teased his body; so typical, when he was running a fever. Mokuba took a little part of the blanket from Seto, trying to not violate his brother's personal space. The teen closed his eyes; spending every night like that was one of his the biggest dreams.

* * *

_I don't know where I am. I'm not strong enough to open my eyes; I feel a terrible pain in every inch of my body as though it is pumping by my heart, and delievering to all cells with my blood. I hear a rhytmical ticking of a clock. Is it my room? I hate that old wall clock from my room. There are too many gold embellishmets on the mahony surface making it looks just like a cheap trash. Moreover its hands always move too slowly, whilst I'm looking forward to the end of a daytime, when I am allowed to close my books. I asked him lots of times to remove it, though for all the time the answer is the same; how dare I condradict him and his decisions?_

_I'm shaking under the unbearable cold. I force myself to grab the material I'm lying on, and place it on my body, but my fingers meets a sticky liquid. I touch my face, moving the hand across my cheek; a smell of iron reachs my nostrils. Blood? I am not sure as I am not sure whether I want to get to know._

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

_The words formed in my mind, perfectly collaborating with the soft, quiet melody; I have no idea why this song, why now, but, lying motionlessly, following verses seem to be a kind of mantra for me. _

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part there's no one else to blame

_I try to not focus on the suffering of my flash; to the moment when I hear louder and louder sound of someone's footsteps. It makes me go back to the awful reality, where my muscles are burning, full of pain. At the begginig the gait seems to be very remote, but gets distinct every one second. The door becomes opened, and I hear a creak of the floor towards me. This person... It's not him. I would recognize his pungent odor; there's no other one making me sick so fucking easly. Damn, so who's that..._

_"I've heard you're quite nice courtesan," deep, male voice rings in my ears. He doesn't even try to hide a mockery waving in his voice. I'm certain I never met him before; I'm oddly sure I woud never want to. The mattres underneath me gives way a little under the pressure of his body; I feel his hand in my hair which he starts to play with. The man's touch is almost tender... It disgusts me. I shiver, when his fingers run down my back, exploring my skin, soft lines of muscles... His thumb rubbs a scar across my shoulder blade, and a chuckle leaves the man's mouth in way which covers my naked body with some gooseflesh. I want to tell anything. I want to scream, to object, but the words stick in my throat. I need to banish his loathsome touch... But I'm not able to make any movement, or even open my eyes... It's too hard, as if this abomiation paralyzes me. "Your skin is such smooth... You must be very delicate, right?" He whispers into my ear, stroking my hair yet again._

_Leave me alone. No... Take your fucking hand away._

_He fondles another parts of my form, circulating his fingers lower and lower. All of a sudden, his lips meet the bottom of my back; I can't help, but shout involuntarily in a detestation, though my voice is muffled by the satin fabric of a pillow. A few tears appear in the corners of my eyes as he hits painfully the space between my shoulder blades. "Now you are too delicate," the man smacks his lips with discontent. "But don't be afraid, I will use you properly."_

_Really?How to not be afraid? And... How he's going to use me...? What the fuck is going on... There's so many questions in my mind, but I'm incapable of ask any of them out loud; the only one thing I can do is crying. Another pathetic tears fall down my cheeks, but this time he ignores my sobbing. He turns me onto my back, jerking my body. Until now, I had no idea that the inbearable pain could be even more severe... _

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

_I force myself to get rid of thoughts connected with that man. I imagine there's nothing else; only me and a piano playing peaceful chords in my mind. There is nothing else... No blood on the sheet, no pain, no that male. He doesn't run his hands over my whole body, and I don't whimper, when he touches the more sore areas. He doesn't burry his face into a crook of my neck, whispering that he desires to taste me. The man doesn't run his warm tongue along my neck, leaving some wet traces. No bitting, no sucking... No hand between my legs. "Damn, Seto," he doesn't murmur teasingly, "don't pretend it doesn't turn you on." It shouldn't be like that... I should be able to throw out of my head him, and every evidence of his existence. I did familiar things so many times before... Nonetheless, his hands are still on my, and I don't know if my sobbing actually means a fear, an anger, or a devastation inside me. _

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

* * *

"No..."

Alarmed by a loud moan, Mokuba jumped up. He took a look around, seeking for a source of noise that had woken him up.

"Do not... Leave me."

"Nii-sama," Mokuba leant over Seto, who was mumblng anxiously in his sleep. The blanket that had covered them before now was laying on the floor, and the teen understood why he was cold yet again, but at that moment the chill was not important at all. Trying to awake his brother, Mokuba shook him, clenching fingers on Kaiba's shoulders; even if he did it for Seto's own good, it was still not comfortable for the younger to violate his Nii-sama in such a sharp way. "Nii-sama, wake up." In a response, Seto whimpered something incomprehensible. On impulse, Kaiba stirred his arm, pushing Mokuba away from himself; whereupon he nuzzled his face into a pillow, sighing deeply.

"Shh," the teen said softly to Seto's ear, caressing his fingers clenched on the quilt. Mokuba placed his hand on his brother's, squeezing it gently. "Nothing wrong happens," he was whispering over and over till he was sure his Nii-sama's breath got normalize. Mokuba covered their bodies with the blanket yet again, then he clung to Seto's back, resting his cheek against Kaiba's shoulder. Stroking him through the warm turtleneck, Mokuba wanted to unbelt his brtoher's arms, legs, undress him, and make him feel cosy. But at that moment, when the older calmed down, the teen prefered to just let Seto sleep, and not bother him with touch. Mokuba closed his eyes, altought he knew he would not fall asleep again; his quiet 'I'm here', and 'everything's alright' were mixing with his Nii-sama's heavy breath.

* * *

_"And? Usable?" The disturbing touch ceases, when another person steps in. I recognize this voice, the voice which makes my body frozen. _

_Finally I force myself to open my eyes, but in a moment I regret, when my eyes meet an obese man sitting near to me. Maybe his clothes are elegant, seeming to be expensive, but his oily, grey hair and bushy facial hair make him look just dirty, damned abominably. "Is he healty?" His voice sounds more serious than at the time when I was the only one he was talking to. He had a look at me; I try to return the action with lots of contempt, but I cannot resist the impression instead of it my eyes glances at him plaintively. _

_"Hey, you aren't suggesting me anything, are you?"_

_The ironical laugh I've heard before rings out, but he get serious very quickly. "I would like to test him a bit more," he says grinning at me; I realize he doesn't have both upper lateral incisors. _

_"Of course. I've told you I don't need him any longer."_

_The man nods with understanding, and draws closer to me. His attention is focusing only on me; paralyzed with a dread, I see as my step-father gets out, smiling at me mockingly, then he closes the door. My scream sounds like a pathetic groan. He disregards me, and his big, rough hands go back onto my body. My heart is racing unnaturally, and I'm not capable of controling my tears. _

_"Don't touch me..." I stammer. He raised his glance at me, an interest in his dark eyes, though there's also a wildness that concerns me. "Please, I don't want... I plead you, stop." I ramble, retirating all silly sentences I always use in this sort of situations. It makes me really humiliated, whilst I'm reiterating another phrases, but I'm ready for everything what could stop him from touching me. I'm aware even if my begging helps, I will fucking hate myself later, but it doesn't matter. I just can't stand him any longer..._

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I'm nowhere to be found

_"Listen," suddenly his face is in front of mine; I could count all his furrows. It's too close... I found it really hard to not cry even louder, but I fail, when he starts to stroke my cheek. "Everything's gonna be alright. You want everything to be alright, right? So be kind to me." _

_I put all forces I still have into a quiet whisper, "Fuck off." A full of desperation moan, commingling with my sobbing; tears slip from my weeping eyes. Until I'm aware what has already happened, I feel a stinging ache on one of my cheeks. At once, he hits me again, and sits on me astride. Because of his weight I'm about loosing my breath, and my head is spinning._

_My torturer clenches fingers in my hair, bending my head back. "Oh, my tiny Seto. Say it again." Not waiting for my reaction, his other hands starts a trek over my body. He released a grasp from my hair, but only to keep my both wrists behind my head, and the signs of my weakness run down my face._

* * *

"Do not touch me," Seto mumbled anxiously, squirming nervously under the blanket.

"Nii-sama," Mokuba nearly screamed to his brother's ear, placing his both hands on the trembling shoulders, "Nii-sama, don't sleep..." The teen was not used to shout at his brother, and he did not feel good with that, but there was no other way to wake Seto up. After another 'Nii-sama' Kaiba blinked a few times, then looked at Mokuba with a bewilderment in his blue eyes.

Seto wiped the sweat from his forehead. "What's–" He mumbled, but the other interrupted him.

"I'm so glad you're already awaken."

Kaiba rubbed his fingers against the closed eyelids. He was confused; a moment had to pass until Seto realized where he was, who was with him, and, what was the most important, that everything what had happened a while ago was nothing more, but a horrid nightmare. And at that moment it came to his mind again; those negative feelings, from an anger to a frustration, everything so real, and disturbing. _It was just a bad dream. Nothing more, but the fucking nightmare. _Seto pushed himself to a sitting position; lazily doing his hair, he swallowed hard. _It never happened. _So why his heart was beating so damned fast? Seto only hoped that Mokuba did not notice his nervousness. "Don't you feel well?" He questioned, not giving his brother any opportunity to ask about anything; Kaiba was not sure if Mokuba had realized he had a nightmare, and he certainly did not want to know.

The older's words were too unexpected; surprised teen did not know what to answer. "What?" Mokuba mumbled quietly; worrying about Seto, he had totally forgotten to take care about himself. And even if the question seemed to be obvious, there was something unnatural. For Mokuba, he should have been the asking one, and make sure that his Nii-sama was alright; how are you feeling?, what were you dreaming about?, is everything alright?, but he did not say a word.

"You've woken me up," Seto explained slowly. "Something's wrong?" Kaiba never wanted Mokuba to feel bad, nonetheless he also did not want any 'you should be asked about that' as a response.

There was a strange tension is Seto's voice; the teen noticed that, and even if originally he had meant to deny, Mokuba bit his tongue, "I don't feel quite well." The younger Kaiba sat down beside his brother. "Aren't you angry with my for awaking you?" Mokuba still had in his mind the gentle grip on his wrist, when he had tried to go back to his bedroom; _sleep with me. _The order had been his own desire, but Mokuba had been too afraid to ask for it aloud. _I want to be around if you feel bad at night. _The reason was not important, when he could sleep with his beloved Nii-sama. Mokuba wondered if there was something else behind the behest, but did not dare to suggest it out loud.

"Such a silly question," Seto rolled his eyes, an annoyance vibrating in his voice. He touched Mokuba's forehead, checking the temperature. "You don't run a fever. Do you have a headache? Or your throat hurts?" Kaiba did not care how overprotectively he sounded; worrying about the younger brother was mixing inside him with a desperate need of focusing his mind on something else than the nightmare.

"It's nothing," Mokuba said quietly, never meaning to worry his Nii-sama. "Let's lie down again, huh...?"

"Mokuba..."

Calling him in such a scolding way was enough to understand that he could have not just avoided a more concrete answer. "A little headache," he mumbled, fixing his eyes on the quilt. "But it's really nothing, Nii-sama."

"Mokuba," Kaiba repeated his brother's name in even more irritated way, "Haven't you found out yet that it's never 'nothing' for me?"

The teen held his breath; was Seto aware how those words affected on him? Mokuba reached his hand to touch the other's hair, sweep some wisps from the sapphire eyes, but Kaiba avoided his touch, and stood up. "I should bring you some medicins, shouldn't I? Stay here, I'll be back in a moment." Seto gave him no chance to response, he got out of the bedroom until Mokuba reacted in any way.

Slowly passing the corridor, he tried to think only about Mokuba. Nothing comforted him as his younger brother, and Seto really needed to calm down; collect his thoughts, normalize his racing heart, get rid of the nightmare that was coming back to him in more and more bothering way. And that song. It was in his head, when Seto had been sleeping, and was playing there even at that moment. Kaiba was thankful for Mokuba that the teen did not ask anything; deducing from the shivering of his body, he just had not had sleep peacefully. Not noticing anything seemed to be even greater relief; it was hard enough to just stand the existence of the damned nightmare, Seto would have not beared talking about that.

_Medicins for Mokuba. Yeah, do think about that. _Kaiba closed the door behind him, and clenched his hands on a sink. Why couldn't he stop bother himself with those thoughts? _Damn, get calm, _he reproved himself. _It was just a nightmare. The fucking nightmare, it doesn't have anything in common with the reality. _Really? The question came to Seto's mind automatically. Had he never felt as humiliated as in the nightmare? Never terrified, never felt any anger because of being damned powerless? The answer was too obvious. Kaiba cursed his subconscious which another time made him fucking weak, miserably covered with the fumes of the past.

_Ouch, I have lost myself again_

_Lost myself and I'm nowhere to be found_

_Yeah, I think that I might break_

_I've lost myself, and I feel unsafe_

"Fuck," Seto whispered under his breath, putting all his emotions into the single word. He wanted to scream, to hit something, someone, do anything what would have helped him felt better, throw the emotions out. He slowly run his fingers up his left side; feeling through the fabric another ribs, he finally placed his hand level with his heart, then he felt its abnormal racing even more clearly. Gently pressed the spot as if the simply action was able to normalize the hearbeating.

_Oh, my tiny Seto._

"No..." Kaiba whispered louder than he meant. "I don't want..." He started to murmur some incomprehensible words, all of them circulating around 'no' and some curses. Seto found it annoying that none of them helped him at all. Violently, he turned on the tap; a cold stream was hitting a ceramic surface, splashing at Kaiba's clothes. He took some water onto his cupped hands, and chilled his face, rubbing the closed eyelids.

"Nii-sama?" A worrying voice coming through the door made Seto frozen. "Are you alright?"

_No... Mokuba, leave me alone. _Kaiba clenched his fingers on the sink again, more tightly. _Not now. Don't look at me. _It was the first time, when Seto did not want his brother to care about him, when he prefered Mokuba to just ignore his existence. If anything was capable of making him feel worse, it was Mokuba seeing his Nii-sama in such a pathetic condition. Even Seto could not have look at himself; raising his glance at the man in the mirror, he winced with a disgust. Shivering shoulders, the dark strands falling at the reddened eyes. Such a weak idiot who was not able to deal with his past; fucking nightmare was enough to throw him off balance.

"Nii-sama," Mokuba was not going to give up, "I'm really worried..." Seto sighed, realizing that his younger sibling would not just leave him alone.

At first, Seto wanted to shout at the other, but there was no point in that, even ordering seemed to be pointless. The loving tone moved him too much, it was such a disturbing mixture with his depressing emotions and memories. Kaiba knew that if he screamed at Mokuba, he would he not been the only one sad; he would have never let his past hurt also his brother.

"It's alright," Kaiba said barely audible; he was not sure whether the other heard him with the noisy sound of water. "Go back to the bedroom."

"No," Seto would have never expected Mokuba could have been so stubborn, and had no idea, why he liked it so much. He did not want it, same as he did not want the other to stay behind the door, or better – by his side, he did not want Mokuba to comfort him, take care of him. No...

Seto turned off the tap, and silence fell; even his footseps sounded louder than should have. Kaiba sat down on the floor, resting his back agaist the door, and pulled his knees to his chin. He felt like was a frightened, defenseless child again. His own imagination was sending him lots of visions, memories, smells, everything what had been tormenting him for so many years. His fisted had hit the cold flooring, but the times when physical pain muffled the mental one was gone, and it did not help any longer.

"Nii-sama," a soft whisper rang out behind the door, level with Seto's head, "I just want you to know that I'm here." Mokuba meant to add 'for you', but finally he left those words unspoken. Wasn't it obvious? Everything he ever did was always only for his Nii-sama. There would have not been any exaggeration in the statement that Mokuba lived for him. The teen was on the verge of craying, realizating that he was not able to offer Seto anything else, but his presence; and not even in the other's arms, they were still separated by the door. With his T-shirt, which still wore Kaiba's masculine scent, Mokuba wiped some tears away. He wished to know what bothered Seto, but consolig him was more important. Showing any weakness was pointless, when the teen had to stay strong for both of them. "You know, Nii-sama," Mokuba rubbed his cheek against the wooden surface lazily, just like it wasn't a door, but his brother's arm; even it was silly, that simply action gave him an irrational sensation of Seto's closeness, especially when he really needed to hug the other. "You don't have to say anything, if you don't want... You know I understand. But... It's hard to endure for me that something isn't alright, and can't be with you..." He did not expect any answer, so when Seto stayed silent, the teen kept talking. Not being ordered to be quiet made him feel more self-confident. "If you want, we can go to bed, and lay in silence... It would be like now... Just more comfortable..." Mokuba broke off; all of a sudden, all those words seemed to be very infantile. He felt so silly, not knowing how to put it. Out loud, the sentences did not sound as well as in his mind. Or maybe he overstimated himself; maybe he was able to ease Seto's mind, or Kaiba just did not want to be comforted by him, and it was the reason, why the older still did not answer. Another doubts came to his mind, when he felt a pressure against his back what made him jump up.

"Don't say anything," Seto hissed until Mokuba even opened his mouth. "You should have been already in the bed," Kaiba's cold tone did not matter for the teen; he did not remember the last time, when getting a reprimend was also a relief. "Damn, you are ill, and you are sitting on the cold floor? Don't behave so ridiculous, Mokuba. Do you really want to feel even worse?" Not waiting for an answer, Kaiba passed his younger sibling, and, with his characteristic dignified gait, set off towards his bedroom.

"But Nii-sa–"

Seto stopped, but did not look at the other.

"Mokuba," a note of impatience played in his voice, "could you take care of yourself instead of worrying about me unnecessarily?"

The younger Kaiba did not make any movement, just staring at his brother's receding back. The scolding did not stop him from worrying; on the contrary, Mokuba was even more concerned. At the same time he was angry with himself; no matter how much he wanted to help Seto, the only thing he was able to do was making him more annoyed. The awareness of helplessness filled Mokuba. He did not want to stay passive, but irritating the other seemed to be even worse option.

"Wait, Nii-sama," the teen called loudly enough to make Seto stop once again. Kaiba turned to face the other, and give him an disorientated look. But Mokuba was not about explaining anything, he just came to his elder brother, and grasped him tightly with his arms around Seto's body. The older froze; ha had no idea how to react, the touch surprised him, and it definietly was not a good kind of surprise. Inside he was still broken, in thousands pieces, and no one of them matched to any other. How was he supposed to relish Mokuba's embrece if there was still other touch in his mind, and it was as bothering as it was real? He just was incapable of returning the tender gesture. As if that was not bad enough, Mokuba started to caress the dark hair, and pressed his lips against Seto's cheek. He really did not care about being ignored, still hoping that his loving actions would change that coldness.

"Don't," a short, sharp behest; Kaiba had to pull Mokuba away nearly by force, whereupon he moved a few steps back. The big, stormy eyes got hazy; Seto was never able to describe his own feeling properly, so it was even harder when went to any other person, but he could have not resisted the impression that his action made Mokuba not only sad, but hurt as well.

"I thought..." There was an distressing, shivering tone in Mokuba's voice. "I was sure you don't regret..." Kaiba narrowed his eyes, giving the other a questioning stare. Regret what? He had no idea what Mokuba was talking about, though he had sounded really serious. Seto was about to ask, when suddenly he realized, how mistakenly Mokuba had understood his behaviour. Seto took a step towards his brother, but the teen stood back. "You don't have to," Mokuba said quickly, trying to stop his voice from trembling. "I don't want you to force yourself to anything, or–"

Until Mokuba finished the sentence, Seto drew closer to him yet again, and wrapped his arms around the fragile form, cuddling the younger carefully. It was so hard; being touched was the last thing Kaiba wanted at that moment, and he felt bad even if it was Mokuba whose hands were on him. But he was not doing it for himself, he was not the most important one. Seto was full of anger with himself; he was too deeply in his own trauma and suffering, totally forgetting about the other's needs. He was the only one who should have been blamed for making Mokuba stop believing in his Nii-sama and his feelings. Seto pulled his sibling even closer, when the teen clang to him under the pressure of the strong squeeze. Mokuba surrounded the other's neck with his arms, and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Seto's shoulder. "I do not force myself to anything," Kaiba was slowly moving his hand up and down Mokuba's back. "And I do regret nothing."

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing, but darkness. A longer while had to pass until Mokuba's eyes became accustomed to the night; he was able to recognize simple shapes, mostly thanks to the streetlights illuminating through the windows. The teen felt an odd anxiety, and the feeling increased, when he realized that there is nothing more next to him, but an empty spot and a hollow in the sheet. "Nii-sama...?"

At his brother's soft voice, Kaiba turned around from the window, where he had been spending last several dozen minutes. "I'm here," he whispered, heading the bed at once. Why that word always made his heart just racing? Seto sat beside Mokuba, and leant over him; his hand went trought the raven hair, stroking it gently.

Mokuba reached his hand for Seto, "Come to me." When the teen's hand met the warm fabric, the teen sighed; as he supposed, his elder brother had not even tried to fall asleep.

In a response, Mokuba expected a refusal, an excuse, everything, but not that mild tone which appeared in Seto's voice unexpectedly, "Whatever you wish."

_I want you to kiss me. _The teen did not have enough courage to say his the biggest desire aloud. At that moment his body, his soul, all Mokuba yearned for the wonderful taste of his Nii-sama's mouth. He waited until Seto closed him in a warm embrace, slipping in under the quilt. The teen could have swear, that deepened breath was something more than his imagination, Mokuba nuzzled his face to his brother's neck, teasing a slight uncovered fragment with his each exhalation. He wrapped his one arm around Seto's waist, whilst the other one was stroking hidden under the hair nape. The younger Kaiba sighed with a pleasure. The arms around his body, the fingers running over him affectionately, the lips leaving plenty of gentle kisses on his head... Maybe it was not the kind of smooch he had mean just a few seconds ago, but at that moment Mokuba would have not exchanged the warm touch for anything else. He was crazy about the bossy Nii-sama, but his tender part seemed to be even more wonderful.

"I would do everything for you," Seto's voice rang out quietly; his lips were almost brushing against the soft skin behind the ear. Mokuba closed his eyes tightly, holding back the tears which came to the corners of his eyes. He would have not minded, if Seto wanted to say it agin, and again, and... Kaiba, slowly running his nose through his brother's silky hair, inhaled the sweet scent; the fruit conditioner made an idyllic conjunction with Mokuba's natural aroma. Relishing the mixture, he was finally able to dispose of the odor which seemed to settle in in his mind, altogether with every aspects of tormenting experiences. Seto reached for the other's hand in the dark, and interlaced their fingers together.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I'm small, I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_


End file.
